


Whither thou goest, I will go (EXO Shadowhunter au)

by sehunlights



Category: EXO (Band), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Archery, Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol are Best Friends, Gen, Kim Jongin | Kai & Oh Sehun are Best Friends, M/M, Memory Loss, OT9 (EXO), Oh Sehun-centric, almost parabatai feels, childhood friends chanbaek, emotional seho, kinda angsty sekai, sehun is kinda emotional and repressed, sehun prays for his hyungs, shadowhunter chronicles au, they're all badass warriors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sehunlights/pseuds/sehunlights
Summary: Oh Sehun is a Shadowhunter. A fierce warrior with angel blood and a duty to kill demons to protect downworlders and mundanes. Every Shadowhunter has their signature weapon, some use daggers or seraph blades while Sehun’s weapon of choice has always been his trusted bow and arrow. His life at the Seoul Institute has been pretty much the same for so many years now. Endless missions, countless demons and a million arrows shot. Until one day his arrow hits a particularly tough demon who has injured a human, a mundane. The strangest thing is, this mundane can see him through his Shadowhunter glamours, even though he shouldn’t. He soon comes to find out that he has met someone who will throw his whole world off its course.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 20
Kudos: 61





	1. Who am I?

**Author's Note:**

> here's my new shadowhunter chronicles au in which sehun saves junmyeon from a demon and then stuff happens. all exo members (ot9) are either shadowhunters or downworlders. lots of seho feels and also chanbaek and some angsty could-have-been sekai (+ other relationships too later on). hope you enjoy!

Sehun had been sent on yet another mission: there had been reports of a few Drevak demons loose around Gangnam. It was not the first time he’d had to deal with their kind. He held back a yawn as he threw his gear on the weapon room table and started preparing.

“I’m coming with you”, sounded a familiar voice in the hallway. Sehun looked up from the table and was greeted by the confident smile on Chanyeol’s face. “Stop rolling your eyes, I have nothing else to do.”

“I can handle a few demons on my own, thanks. You know I work the best on my own”, Sehun said and continued putting his gear on. He attached his quiver with practiced ease and grabbed his bow from the table. Chanyeol stood blocking the doorway, all geared up and a knowing smile on his face, forcing Sehun to stop on his tracks before heading out.

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked tilting his head. 

“Nothing. I’m just not in the mood to chat. So I’m going alone, understood?” Sehun said and ushered Chanyeol out of the way, leaving his friend to watch as he rushed out the Institute.

“Fine. But stay safe!” Chanyeol shouted to him and smiled when Sehun didn’t look back.

\- - -

The hunt turned out to be tougher than anticipated. Sehun had slayed two of the demons already but the third one was putting up a good fight. Finally his arrow impaled its heart leaving behind nothing but dust and demon ichor. He was about to leave the spot and go report his killings when he heard a distant scream. Great, now I have to save some poor mundane, Sehun thought to himself.

The next block revealed another demon crouched at something that looked vaguely like a trembling man. Sehun directed an arrow directly to the demon’s head and it disappeared revealing the distraught mundane the demon had been assaulting. His jacket was ripped and his bright red hair was a mess. Sehun had activated a rune that hid him from the human world so he just carefully glanced at the mundane man to check him for injuries. What he didn’t expect was for the man to reach for his hand in a need of help.

“Who are you? What is happening?” the man whimpered from the ground.

Sehun looked around himself in search of another mundane nearby. He looked in the man’s eyes and behind himself. There was no one else but the two of them. Sehun was puzzled. He sees me? He has the Sight?

”Are you injured?” Sehun asked carefully and took a step closer towards the man.

“Yes. Yes. That... thing? It attacked me. I.. oh no, I think I’m bleeding out”, the man managed to get out. 

“Can I see?” Sehun crouched next to where the man was laying on the ground. He raised the man’s shirt and noticed he was indeed bleeding.

“I don’t know how or why you can see me but that doesn’t matter. I need to get you to the Institute. You need a medic right now or the demon poison will spread”, Sehun informed and started helping the man up. 

The mundane couldn’t get an word out of his mouth. The demon poison was clearly beginning to work its magic in his body and soon there wouldn’t be much time. The man was getting too weak to refuse any help or question his situation any further so he just let Sehun help him up and walk him out of the sidewalk.

“Hey, stay with me. There’s not a long walk to the Institute. You’re gonna be okay. I got you”, Sehun tried to reassure the weakening man on his arms. What have I gotten myself into again? This was supposed to be a routine mission, Sehun thought.

\- - -

“For the thousandth time, Chanyeol, I was glamoured. Why would I go on my mission without glamouring myself from mundanes? He has the Sight, just believe me already.” Sehun pressed his hands to his face. He was so tired from the mission and from dragging a grown man all the way to the Institute. And from answering Chanyeol's endless questions.

“He’s not a Shadowhunter, is he? I would recognize him”, Chanyeol said. The pair stood near the infirmary entrance. Sehun had taken the mundane to the medics as soon as he got to the Institute and then he had been ushered out so that the medics could work in peace.

“I think he would know what a demon was if he was a Shadowhunter. He’s a shitty Shadowhunter if he is, he should have been able to take care of that little bastard on his own. I’m telling you, he was just shaking on the ground. Plus he had no runes. He’s a mundane, I think”, Sehun answered. It had been almost 45 minutes since he had arrived with the man. What was taking so long? He wasn’t known for being the most caring but he did find himself worrying about the poor man’s health. Especially when he was still curious about the man's identity and the reason he was able to see the Shadowhunter.

“What’s going on?” asked a voice behind them. Sehun and Chanyeol turned to face the source of the voice and were greeted by a white-haired young man who looked worried seeing his fellow Shadowhunters pacing around the infirmary entrance. 

“Oh, Baekhyun, hi. Sehun rescued a strange mundane during his mission and brought him here to be healed. He had the Sight”, Chanyeol said, lowering his voice slightly to avoid the whole Institute from hearing. A gossip like this would spread fast and he knew it wouldn’t be a positive thing.

“What? That’s terrible!” Baekhyun shouted and Sehun shot him with a sharp glare guiding him to be more quiet. Baekhyun looked embarrassed and moved closer to his friends, still looking worried.

The infirmary door was opened by a medic who looked them all in the eye with a bland expression on his face. “You can come in. He is going to be waking up soon. At least we hope so”, he said and ushered the three Shadowhunters inside. He looked at Baekhyun questioningly but let them all in when he saw the reassuring look on Chanyeol’s face.

The man was on the white bed, his dyed red hair less messy on the pillow than it had looked in the sidewalk earlier. For the first time Sehun properly saw what the man looked like. He had a rather beautiful face, he thought.

“Is he going to be okay?” Baekhyun probed and looked at the medic standing by the man’s bed.

“Yes. His injures were severe but we were able to stop the poison from spreading, thanks to this skilled warlock who was able to come to the Institute on such short notice.” The medic gestured towards the man on his left who offered his hand towards the Shadowhunters. He somehow manages to look both professional and elegant at the same time. Warlocks are strange, Sehun thought.

“Zhang Yixing, at your service”, the warlock said and shook all the Shadowhunters’ hands. Sehun felt the need to thank him but he couldn’t get a word out of his mouth. The evening had been a long and confusing one, and he was feeling almost dizzy from how tired he was. And now there was an unknown downworlder inside the Institute. Not that he had anything against it but his Shadowhunter training was making him cautious of any downworlders he didn’t know.

“That’s great. Glad to hear that”, Chanyeol said and approached the bed. They all saw the same thing: the mundane was shifting a bit and it seemed he was waking up. They gathered around his bed and watched as he slowly opened his eyes.

“Where am I? What happened?” No one could blame him for being confused and scared.

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay”, Sehun said, and to his own - and everyone else’s - surprise he placed his hand on the man’s shoulder.

“We’re going to give you guys a minute”, one of the medics said and they left, leaving only the three Shadowhunters and the strange warlock in the room. 

“What is going on? Wait what are these tattoos on my skin? You all have them too.” The man was almost hyperventilating at this point. He was clearly looking for a way out, an escape. 

The man did indeed have tattoos on his skin that Sehun hadn’t noticed before. Well, not exactly tattoos. They were runes, markings that all Shadowhunters wore to increase their powers and aid them on their missions.

“Wait, you said he wasn’t a Shadowhunter? He must be, he couldn’t bare those runes otherwise”, Chanyeol noted and looked at Sehun.

“I must have not noticed them before”, Sehun said and looked at the man for a long time. He studied his face and his skin looking for any signs that would reveal he wasn’t a Shadowhunter after all. But it appeared he indeed was one. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only a bandage around his torso, so Sehun was clearly able to see that the man he had rescued was fit enough to be a Shadowhunter.

“He’s a Shadowhunter. Because of his Iratze, he was able to heal so quickly”, said Zhang Yixing, the warlock who was standing behind the Shadowhunters. Iratze was the Shadowhunters' healing rune that had saved the lives of many fighters. Sehun looked at him and then looked back at the man on the bed.

“Okay, when are you going to tell me what’s going on? Shadow... what?” the man asked cautiously and looked at Sehun. He clearly recognized him as the one who had rescued him which made him put more trust in Sehun than the other men in the room. 

“You.. you have runes? You don’t know that you’re a Shadowhunter?” Sehun questioned slowly. Without even realizing what he was doing, he put his hand on the man’s shoulder again.

“Me and the medics think he might have lost his memory. You should check if you can find his information from the Shadowhunters’ database. He might be a Shadowhunter who has forgotten he is a Shadowhunter”, said the warlock in his calm voice. “I should go now, but here’s my number”, he continued and passed a little piece of paper to Sehun. “Call me anytime if you need my help.”

Sehun took the paper and nodded. Zhang Yixing smiled and disappeared through the door.

“What’s your name? Do you remember your name?” asked Baekhyun. The man looked at him with squinted eyes for a second.

“Kim Junmyeon”, he finally said, looking a little weary. “You know, I just want answers. I don’t know what I’m doing here but if what that guy is saying is true and I’ve lost my memory, it seems like you guys could help me.”

“Me and Chanyeol will go check for him in the database”, Baekhyun said to Sehun and then looked at the man on the bed. “We’re going to figure this out, don’t worry.”

Neither Sehun or Junmyeon said a word as they watched Baekhyun and Chanyeol exit the infirmary. Sehun met the man’s eyes and gave a tiny hint of a reassuring smile to him.

“You should probably get some rest, if you can”, Sehun said after a long silence. He was feeling rather exhausted himself and he wasn’t in the mood to tell the memory-lost Junmyeon what Shadowhunters were. 

“I’m safe, aren’t I?” Junmyeon worried.

“Yes”, Sehun nodded. “You are in very safe hands here. Everything is going to make more sense soon, I promise. Just try to rest.” He shot another small smile at the man on the bed before slowly backing out of the room.

\- - -

“Please, tell me you have found something on him”, Sehun said as he arrived to the ops center where his fellow Shadowhunters were going through the database of the possible Shadowhunter Kim Junmyeon. He rubbed his tired eyes and promised himself not to fall asleep just yet.

“Yes. He is indeed who he says he is. And a Shadowhunter! Born in the Rome Institute to two Korean parents and raised in both the Rome and Paris Institutes”, Baekhyun said and pointed towards the screens in front of them.

The screen showed a picture of the same man who lay on the bed in the infirmary. Bright red hair and a beautiful face. Sehun scrolled through his file for a moment and then closed his eyes.

“What is it, Sehun?” Chanyeol asked with a concerned look on his face. 

“This makes no sense. Why is he here in Seoul?” Sehun sighed.

“I don’t know but maybe you should go get some rest and dive back into his case tomorrow?” Baekhyun said and cupped Sehun’s face with his hand. Baekhyun was always showing his affection physically and Sehun and Chanyeol had both gotten pretty used to it by this point.

“Alright, I’m not going to argue that.”

\- - -

“So, do you remember what you were doing before you got attacked?” Sehun asked from Junmyeon. He was sitting in a chair at his infirmary bed. Junmyeon had gotten dressed and was now sitting on his bed looking to be in a lot better health than the night before. Both of the men in the room had gotten a much needed sleep and were now in a better mood for an important discussion.

“The thing is, I don’t remember. I don’t think I lost my memory because of the creature that attacked me. I’m pretty sure something else made me lose my memory. Am I really a demon-hunting soldier?” Junmyeon shook his head.

“Well, do you remember what you were doing in Seoul? You’re from Rome according to your file”, Sehun asked. He had printed Junmyeon his file and the man was now browsing through his own information and looked puzzled.

“I have no memory of Rome. Or Paris. For all I know, I’ve lived in South Korea my whole life. Probably. I have an apartment near the place I got attacked at last night”, Junmyeon said. He was still going through his own file and he looked more confused than Sehun had ever seen anyone look. He had not seen the man smile once but he still thought he looked beautiful in a very strange way. “But I do have some blanks in my memory. Now that I think about it, I can’t remember my childhood nor my parents. What is wrong with me?” He began to look more concerned and scared. His reaction made Sehun automatically place his hand on the man’s shoulder again. 

“It’s okay, we’re going to figure this out. There must be someone behind this. Maybe someone wants you to forget your Shadowhunter life. Do you happen to remember any people in your life who would have something against you? Or any people at all, for that matter?” Sehun asked.

Junmyeon looked even more puzzled. “Nobody. My mind is blanking and it’s making me panic.”

Sehun moved to the edge of his chair and even closer to Junmyeon. “Why don’t we visit your apartment for some clues? As soon as you have the strength, of course”, he said with his hand still on the other man’s shoulder. 

Junmyeon gave him a small nod and started getting out of the bed. 

“Woah, easy. Are you sure you can get up?” Sehun worried.

“Whatever these tattoo things do, they have healed me faster than I could imagine. I’m well healed.” Junmyeon lifted his T-shirt to reveal a clean bandage that showed no bleeding from his wound. The bandage was a smaller one than he had had on the night before and it revealed that the man had perfect abs. Sehun tried to look away as fast as he could but his stare lingered on Junmyeon’s stomach a little too long, judging by the laugh the red-haired man let out.

“Whoever I am, apparently I work out”, Junmyeon laughed and looked at Sehun who was now also laughing quietly.

\- - -

Joined by the very eager pair of pals that were Chanyeol and Baekhyun, Sehun and Junmyeon went back to the last night’s crime scene. Junmyeon seemed to remember clearly which apartment he lived in as he ushered the Shadowhunters into a two bedroom loft on the fifth floor of a building somewhere in Gangnam.

“Here we are”, he said and threw his hands up.

The Shadowhunters started to look around immediately. Junmyeon’s apartment was surprisingly clean, at least if Sehun compared it to his own bedroom back at the Institute. Baekhyun had his daggers in his hands as he carefully opened the doors leading to the bathroom and the bedroom. The apartment was clearly empty.

“I have an out-of-the-box idea. That warlock gave you his number, didn’t he? Let’s call him and have him search the apartment for any demonic energy”, Chanyeol suggested. Not a bad idea, Sehun thought and reached his pocket for the carefully folded piece of paper that read a number written in black ink. He handed it to Chanyeol who started to dial the number onto his phone.

“We’re gonna figure this out”, Sehun said. He had no idea why but he felt like he had to keep telling Junmyeon his reassurances. It was weird, considering he had never been the kind of person to take care of people. It didn’t mean he didn’t care, he just had his own kind of ways to show it. And that quite often meant not showing any caring at all. Baekhyun had clearly noticed the change in Sehun’s behavior and he was smiling to himself. Sehun shot an angry glare at him which made Baekhyun playfully shake his head at him. 

Baekhyun was much more caring and affectionate, and so was Chanyeol. Those two had been best friends since they were kids. They had trained together and grown together at the Seoul Institute so that was why they always fought together. People often mistook them for parabatais but for some reason they had never decided to join each other with that special bond. Sehun never really questioned their choice not to unite them with the parabatai bond. In fact, he had never really understood the point of the bond anyway. Sehun fought best on his own and he felt that a bond tying him to another Shadowhunter would just slow him down. He had never needed a parabatai so he didn’t think twice about Baekhyun and Chanyeol not having one either. Sehun had moved to the Seoul Institute five years ago and met Chanyeol who had introduced him to all his friends. 

Sehun had actually once had someone ask him to become his parabatai. His name had been Kim Jongin and he was Sehun’s best friend. Jongin was very popular among Shadowhunters and admired by everyone around him. He was a childhood friend of Sehun’s who had moved to Seoul at the same time with him.

Jongin was a bit more adventurous than Sehun, though. He was currently visiting the Prague Institute. He had traveled a lot in the past five years and gained even more admiration all around the world. Sehun admired him too, of course, but it was a different kind of admiration; it was also mixed with a hint of jealousy. Sehun wished he was as confident and brave as his best friend. But he wasn’t, so he stayed in Seoul and hunted demons. And he missed Jongin, more than anything. Maybe he didn’t even directly miss the person but more the memory of them being kids and doing everything together.

Sehun didn’t know the reason he had denied Jongin’s request to become his parabatai all those years ago. They had been 17-year-olds and Jongin was certain he needed a parabatai by his side. Sehun had been silent for days and kept to his own. Finally Jongin had given up and decided they were better off as just friends, not parabatais. What puzzled Sehun was that Jongin had never gotten himself another parabatai, even though he used to be so certain he needed one. 

“Yixing’s coming! He’s so nice, I can’t believe it”, Chanyeol said and startled Sehun from his thoughts. “You okay, Sehun?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Look, Junmyeon, who are you? I mean.. do you remember what you did for a living or something? What you did in Seoul?” Sehun asked.

Junmyeon seemed surprised by the sudden question. “No? I mean, I don’t even remember leaving my apartment last night.”

Zhang Yixing arrived to the hallway of the building through a portal and Junmyeon looked startled.

“Sorry for the delay, I came as fast as I could”, he announced and brushed some dust off of his trench coat. Before anyone could say anything, he started to use his magic to search the building for any signs of... anything. Junmyeon jumped back when he saw the blue sparkles of magic coming from Yixing’s fingers. Sehun was behind him and he grabbed his back which made Junmyeon look slightly embarrassed by his own jumpiness but Sehun offered him a reassuring smile, again.

“Oh, sweetie. Your apartment is flooding with demonic energy. Someone has been manipulating you, or at least that’s what I think. Hold on a second”, Yixing said and focused his powers towards a single corner of the room. Sehun and Chanyeol exchanged quick looks.

“Okay, here we go”, Yixing said and pulled a purple ball of some kind of demonic magic out from the ceiling of the apartment. “This magic is strong and strange. I think someone has used it to erase your memories.”

“What?” Junmyeon gasped and turned towards Sehun. Sehun stepped forward to look at the strange magic Yixing was holding. 

“You should all get out of here. I’m pretty sure this magic is designed to damage Shadowhunters”, Yixing warned. He looked more serious than before. “How long have you lived in this apartment?”

“I have no idea.” Junmyeon answered shaking his head. Sehun had grabbed his back with his hand again at some point. He felt like he needed to protect the vulnerable man who looked so scared and confused in front of him.

“Well, staying in the presence of this magic for at least a few weeks has wiped your memory all clean. You, all, go outside and I will banish this magic to Hell where it belongs”, Yixing instructed and ushered everyone out. "But not before taking a small sample of it so that I can properly examine it."

Sehun directed the startled Junmyeon out of the door right after Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Junmyeon looked absolutely terrified when he faced the other Shadowhunters. 

"I'm not getting my memory back any time soon, am I?" he asked, knowing the answer already.

Sehun looked into his eyes apologetically. He wished he could have done something.


	2. To feel whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun can't help but feel sentimental when all the memories of him and Jongin come rushing back after his talk with Junmyeon.

Sehun held in his hands a small pendant with an engraved angel on it that read the words "Guardian Angel watch over me". He carried it with him everywhere in his pocket, not even able to leave it to the Institute when he went on a mission. It had been given to him by his best friend Jongin two or three years ago as a souvenir from London. He never showed the pendant to anyone but it meant a lot to him. Every night he held it in his hands and whispered a quiet prayer for the people he cared about: his family, his best friend and all his fellow Shadowhunters at the Institute. He prayed that they would all return safely from their nightly missions and that they would all face the next day together. Being a Shadowhunter wasn't a safe job. People didn't always come back from their missions, and it was something every Shadowhunter had to accept. 

Tonight, however, Sehun's prayers included a new name: Junmyeon's. He prayed that the man would gain his memories back and that whoever had stolen his memories would not haunt him any longer. He knew it was a long shot but he had faith in the Angel Raziel and his powers to watch over Shadowhunters, even the ones who had no memory of being one.

The gang had returned to the Institute and Chanyeol had received a call from Yixing who had informed them to stay away from the apartment, just in case. Junmyeon had been given a guest room at the Institute; any Shadowhunter was welcome to stay at any of the Institutes around the world as long as they needed, even if they had no memories. Sehun found himself still going through Junmyeon's files and looking for his name possibly mentioned in any other files in the database. He knew it would most likely all be for nothing but he couldn't help himself.

Around midnight Sehun heard a knock on his bedroom door and asked the visitor to step right in. He straightened his posture as soon as he noticed that the man who had just walked into his room was no other than Kim Junmyeon. 

"Is it a bad time?" he asked and Sehun immediately shook his head.

"No, I was just digging your files for more clues again. Come in", Sehun said and gestured the man to come sit next to him on his bed. Junmyeon sat slowly next to him. He still looked so confused, like a child who had just woken from his nap and had no idea where he was.

"I'm so lost. I have no idea who I am or what I'm doing here or who it is that wants to hurt me. And why?" Junmyeon pressed his hand against his forehead and sighed.

Sehun felt the odd feeling again, like he desperately needed to tell the man next to him that everything was going to be okay and that he would take care of everything. But he couldn't say it, not when it wasn't totally true. None of them had any idea any of this would turn out okay and Sehun didn't have the power to take care of everything, no matter how much he wanted to. So all he did was place his hand on Junmyeon's shoulder again and give it a gentle and reassuring squeeze.

"I have no idea how confusing this all must feel for you", Sehun managed to say, "but we'll do everything we can to help you. And you're totally safe from whoever did this to you here at the Institute."

His words made Junmyeon crack a small smile. It was beautiful, Sehun thought to himself.

"You know, Shadowhunters believe in Angels and pray to them", Sehun said suddenly. He had no idea why he was telling this information to the man next to him but he felt like that was exactly what he needed to do. "I have this dumb little good-luck charm that I carry with me everywhere", he continued and reached for the angel pendant from his pocket. He showed it to Junmyeon who took it in his hand to get a better look.

The pendant Jongin had given him had an engraved picture of a praying angel with long curly hair and a gracious face. The angel's wings held the whole pendant together. Junmyeon quietly read the text from the other side.

"It's beautiful. I love it that you have something like that always with you. It must be a special gift", Junmyeon said and met Sehun's eyes with his.

"Yes", Sehun nodded and swallowed slowly, "it's from a friend. He's on his adventures in Prague right now, I think. I miss him." He wasn't sure why he was telling all this to the man he had met yesterday but he felt that distracting Junmyeon away from his problems by telling intimate secrets was a good idea when he saw how all the fear and confusion disappeared from the man's face. Junmyeon kept on examining the pendant in his hand and Sehun could feel his shoulders relax in his hands.

"He sounds like a cool guy", Junmyeon said with a smile. "I did think you looked a little like a third wheel around those friends of yours, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, if i remember correctly. I guessed you were just missing your better half."

"Really? You got all that from looking at us work for one day?", Sehun wondered with his mouth wide open. Junmyeon let out a small laugh. "You're not wrong, though", Sehun continued with a smile. "Those two have been friends since they were babies, they're inseparable."

"What about you and the guy who gave you the pendant?" he asked.

"We've been friends since kids too but I guess we used to be a lot closer. He's not the kind of person to stick around one place for long, unlike me. I like ordinary, I think", Sehun answered and turned his gaze towards the pendant again.

"Well, I've totally ruined your nice, ordinary life by showing up and causing trouble, haven't I?" Junmyeon said as he handed the pendant back to Sehun. They smiled shortly at each other.

"I don't blame you for getting attacked", Sehun said. "Unless you did something bad that caused them to attack you in the first place, then I would maybe blame you a little."

"If only I remembered." Junmyeon shook his head.

"Do you happen to remember what parabatais are?" Sehun asked suddenly. Junmyeon shook his head and Sehun didn't seem surprised. "It's this special bond that can be formed between two Shadowhunters. Well, actually it's a rune. It's a bond closer than anything else. It's even more intense than marriage, I guess", Sehun explained.

"Wow, sounds intense indeed", Junmyeon said with a small smile on his face.

"When two Shadowhunters with a parabatai bond fight together, they become stronger. Through their runes they can even feel each other's pain. And runes applied by your parabatai are stronger than runes applied by yourself." Sehun said. Talking about the parabatai bond like this felt weird. He had been avoiding the topic ever since he had silently refused to become Jongin's parabatai all those years ago.

"Do you and… that friend you were talking about", Junmyeon said and pointed at the pendant in Sehun's hands, "have that bond together?"

Sehun looked surprised, as if Junmyeon had just read his mind. 

"No, we don't."

Junmyeon must have noticed the way his question made Sehun feel uneasy so he stood up. 

"All this memory loss and confusion is making me exhausted. I'm going to head to bed soon. But thank you for your kind words and… Well, thanks for everything you've done for me, I guess."

"No problem", Sehun said with a smile and gave Junmyeon a final pat on his shoulder before the man left the room.

Sehun couldn't help but feel emotional. It had been very long since the last time he had opened up to anyone, or the last time he had really mentioned Jongin to anyone. It felt like all the feelings that had been buried for so long were coming back up. He held the pendant in his hand and closed his eyes.

\- - -

Sehun woke up to a knock on his door. The sun streamed through the open window and it took his eyes a few seconds to get used to the bright daylight. 

"Sehun, you need to wake up. A certain someone is wondering where you are", Baekhyun screamed through the door. It wasn't locked but Sehun thanked the Angel that Baekhyun had the decency not to storm in uninvited.

It must be late and Junmyeon must be looking for me, Sehun thought to himself as he grabbed a black T-shirt and jeans from the chair next to his bed. He hastily ran his hand through his black hair as he got a quick look of himself in the mirror. He looked a bit tired with eyebags under his eyes. Falling asleep had taken him hours the night before with so many thoughts and buried feelings running through his mind.

Baekhyun was waiting for him as he got out of the room, with a familiar, bright smile on his face. Sehun frowned at him which only made Baekhyun let out a small laugh. 

"You'll never guess who arrived at the Institute this morning", Baekhyun said, still smiling, as he led Sehun out of the hallway and into the ops center.

Sehun felt his heart skip a beat as he saw who Baekhyun was talking about. He was unable to react for a second, he just stood there staring at a very familiar face smiling at him a few feet before him, next to Chanyeol. 

Kim Jongin.

Sehun stood perfectly still and he could feel all the eyes fixed on him. All the memories, all the feelings came rushing back, even stronger than they had last night after his talk with Junmyeon. It felt like for a moment the world moved in slow motion. He felt out of breath.

Finally Jongin closed the gap between them and came towards Sehun to give him a hug.

"Sehunnie, it's been so long!" he said and wrapped his arms around Sehun, who was still just standing there completely speechless. He pushed himself to slowly wrap his arms around Jongin and he could feel his body slightly relaxing at his best friend's embrace, but only slightly

When Jongin slowly backed away from the hug, Sehun had already managed to force a smile to his face. 

"Dude, are you awake yet?" Jongin laughed at Sehun's expression and shook his shoulder gently. "Do they not let you sleep here at the Institute anymore or what's with those bags under your eyes", he joked.

His smile was so bright. Somehow he looked even younger than when he had last left the Institute. He had dyed his hair dark green and he looked very fashionable in his white dress shirt and checkered trousers. Sehun cursed himself for looking so ragged compared to him. If he had known that it was his best friend who had just arrived at the Institute he would have dressed up a bit more.

"Ah, sorry, I just woke up", Sehun managed to say, still maintaining the shy smile on his face.

"Alright then, maybe I need to properly shake you awake by a little morning exercise", Jongin said. "C'mon, it's been so long since we've last sparred."

Sehun raised his eyebrows in surprise at Jongin's suggestion to fight together. They had grown up together and they had always served as each other's sparring partners. But it had been so long since the last time they trained together. The suggestion made Sehun feel nervous and he couldn't get a word out of his mouth.

"I'll go change into training gear and check out how dusty my old bedroom has gotten since I left", Jongin said and gave Sehun a pat on his shoulders. "Meet you at the training hall."

Sehun watched as Jongin disappeared into the hallway where their bedrooms were. They had always had adjacent bedrooms in the Institute and Sehun had actually gotten quite used to having an empty room next to his while Jongin had been away. 

Everything about his best friend's return made him feel strange, almost sentimental. It was so unexpected. But Sehun knew that Jongin had always led a life of surprise and unexpectedness.

"You okay, buddy?" Chanyeol asked carefully and woke Sehun up from his thoughts. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'd better go change too", Sehun answered.

\---

"I trained with some really experienced fighters in Prague so don't feel bad if I beat your ass", Jongin said teasingly and jumped towards Sehun with a seraph blade in his hand. They had both changed to their training clothes and met each other in the training hall as planned. There was no one else in the hall with them as most of the Shadowhunters at the Seoul Institute had already finished their training sessions of the morning. It was pretty normal for Shadowhunters to train in the early hours of the morning so that they could be ready for missions before 8 A.M. 

"Well, I haven't wasted any of my time partying in the streets of Prague these past months, so I'd say this will be a pretty fair fight", Sehun shot back at Jongin, making him laugh and roll his eyes. Their seraph blades clanged together making a loud noise that echoed in the empty training hall. 

"C'mon, it's not wasted time. It's recharging", Jongin said and dodged Sehun's blade by an inch. 

Sehun didn't answer him anymore as he attacked Jongin abruptly, making the green-haired man roll back in defense. Jongin smiled and came right back at Sehun with a swift swing of his blade. His attacks looked so easy and effortless and Sehun couldn't help but notice that his friend truly had been training with experienced fighters. Jongin's attacks were new, unexpected and Sehun barely managed to dodge his sword by clanging it together with his own. 

They fought until they were both so out of breath they could barely even move anymore. 

"So, what have you been up to?" Jongin asked as he wiped away the sweat from his face using his T-shirt. Sehun caught a quick glance at his body noticing Jongin was still just as fit as always. "I heard you rescued a Shadowhunter with memory loss."

Junmyeon. Jongin had kept him so distracted that Sehun had almost forgotten about the red-haired man who expected him to both protect him and figure out the reason for his memory loss. 

"Yeah, I should probably go check up on him", Sehun answered, still clearly out of breath. 

"So no further checking up on your best friend who appeared out of nowhere after being gone for months", Jongin said with a teasing look on his face.

The words "best friend" produced a genuine smile on Sehun's face. 

"Shut up, you know I'm so happy to see you again. I've missed you", Sehun said and this time his words were as genuine as his smile.

"I've missed you too, man. I mean, you're the reason I came back", Jongin said. He looked at his toes, almost as if saying that made him feel embarrassed for some reason,

"Really?" Sehun said.

"I met some Shadowhunters and downworlders in Prague who told me their stories. Some of them had been through a lot, and their stories opened my eyes", Jongin said. This time he was able to look Sehun in the eyes but his usual smile was long gone. He looked so serious that it made Sehun's heart start beating faster out of worry. "And they inspired and encouraged me to do something I already tried once but didn't succeed."

"What is it", Sehun asked, unable to hide the worry in his voice.

"I met these two Shadowhunters who had been best friends for their whole lives, until they were separated at the age of 15 because one of their parents had to move to another Institute. They were heartbroken because the day they heard the news was the day they had planned to announce everyone that they wanted to become parabatai." 

They both went completely silent for a few seconds after the mention of that word.

"They eventually moved on and accepted their fate but neither of them found another parabatai for six years", Jongin continued the story. "Until when they were both 21 and happened to run into each other at the Prague Institute where they had both travelled off to, both of them looking for some new meaning and new excitement to their lives." 

Sehun couldn't move or say anything. He felt his heart beating, probably even faster than it had during their intense training session.

"When they saw each other for the first time in six years, they said that they felt whole again. They had come back to the person they belonged to", Jongin said, his face lighting up at the thought of the heartfelt reunion in his story. "And they knew that it was finally their time. To become parabatai. That maybe they hadn't really been ready for that when they were 15, but they were now."

Sehun stood completely still as Jongin walked next to him. He gently grabbed Sehun's arm and they stood close enough to see each other breathing heavily. 

"Those two taught me that some people are just meant for each other. Some people just complete each other in ways that can't even be explained in words. And that some people will always come back to each other, no matter what", Jongin said. 

He looked Sehun in the eyes with a serious expression that showed Sehun just how much he meant every single word. Sehun himself couldn't get a word out of his mouth. 

"What I'm trying to say… I mean, something that I'm now going to have to ask you once again, no matter how scared it makes me to say these words." Jongin took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second just to open them again. Their eyes met and Jongin took Sehun's hand in his. "Sehun, will you become my parabatai?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update.. i hope you liked this chapter! it was more focused on sehun & jongin this time, there will be more junmyeon and chanbaek in the next one, i promise!  
> please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


	3. I need time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun is still in shock by Jongin's abrupt proposal, but some new leads on Junmyeon's case keep him distracted.

_"Will you become my parabatai?"_

Sehun could still hear Jongin's words echoing in the empty training hall. It was the second time he heard those words coming out of his best friend's mouth, but it had been over 7 years since the last time. Anyone would think Sehun could be able to give a proper answer this time, he wasn't a 17-year-old kid anymore, he could do better than just freeze and avoid answering.

But that's exactly what he did, once again.

Sehun had frozen in terror. Felt like he couldn't breathe. He had felt like the room was spinning and it wasn't because he was so out of breath after their intense training session. 

He hadn't managed to get a single word out of his mouth as he had backed away from the training hall in disbelief. 

He was now sitting in his bedroom, with all his training gear still equipped. He felt like he wanted to scream and cry and just let it all out, but he couldn't move. 

He felt like he was 17 again and his best friend had just asked him to become his parabatai. They had been in the training hall back then, too, and Sehun had felt the exact same feelings he did now. Panic, confusion, disbelief. Mainly panic. He had no idea what to answer back then and he didn't know what to do now either. Despite all the training he had done and all the fighting experience he had gained, these years hadn't prepared him for answering one simple question posed by his best friend. _"Will you become my parabatai?"_

Sehun could feel his own breathing get heavier and heavier and he knew he was on the brink of a panic attack. He reached for his pocket and his fingers immediately found the familiar shape of the angel pendant Jongin had given him. He closed his eyes as he held the pendant in his hand and muttered a silent prayer to calm himself down. 

_Why? Why do I lose my breath when I even think about having Jongin as my parabatai?_

He stayed there, crouched on his bed for a few minutes - or maybe an hour, he had lost track of time - when he heard a knock on his door. He knew it was unlocked but whoever the knocker was had the decency not to barge in uninvited. 

"Sehun, you need to come here", Baekhyun yelled from the other side of the door. "Yixing found some new clues from the apartment!"

 _Junmyeon's apartment._ Of course. Sehun had been so lost in his own worries that he had almost forgotten the red-haired man who had lost his memories and needed help catching whoever did that to him. 

"I'm coming, just a sec!" Sehun exclaimed at Baekhyun. He didn't bother changing out of his training clothes, but he did check his face on the mirror. He hadn't been exactly crying, but his face did look a bit puffed and the bags under his eyes had grown even bigger. He couldn't do anything but ignore his miserable appearance for now, Junmyeon needed his help.

Yixing was standing in the main hall, accompanied by Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Junmyeon, as Sehun walked towards them. Jongin was nowhere to be seen and Sehun thanked the Angel for that. He wouldn't have been able to face him just yet, not after he had just run away from him without answering a certain question.

"To catch this young fellow up on the news", Yixing announced, looking at Sehun, "I examined the demonic magic used in the apartment to steal Mr. Kim's memories, and found a possible suspect. Or at least a lead." Sehun caught Junmyeon smiling at him and he felt at least a tiny bit of the panic and anxiety inside him ease. Junmyeon's smile clearly had a calming effect on him.

"That's great. Who is it?" Sehun asked.

"Well, that's the thing", Baekhyun said. He had a worried look on his face and Sehun could tell that the news he had come to hear weren't all good. "The person who all our evidence leads us to… appears to have been dead for half a century."

"What? How is that possible?" Sehun asked in surprise. 

"We don't know, but we should still go and investigate his house just in case. Maybe we can find more clues there", Chanyeol said. "Are you okay, Sehun? Where's Jongin?" he continued and Sehun flinched at the mention of the name.

"I'm fine. Let's go investigate", he answered without looking Chanyeol in the eyes. 

"The traces of magic I took from the apartment led me to one person, a mundane named Kim Jongdae, who used to live not far from here before he was murdered in the 1960's", Yixing explained. "Now, I know what you're all thinking: 'he was a mundane, he couldn't have used magic', but he might have gotten help from a warlock who was smart enough not to leave traces of their own magic at the scene."

"Who murdered him back in the 60's? Could that lead us somewhere?" Junmyeon asked.

"I don't know, but it looks like we might have to solve a murder", Baekhyun said. He sounded a bit too excited to be talking about murder, and Sehun could see Chanyeol let out a little laugh at the way Baekhyun stroked his seraph blade excitedly. "Let's go to Kim Jongdae's murder apartment, shall we?"

\---

Yixing portaled the group to a bleak neighbourhood that creeped Sehun out. All the houses looked gloomy and mostly abandoned. Yixing led them down the road towards a mansion that looked like something out of a horror movie. Sehun could see Baekhyun bursting out of excitement and Chanyeol smiling fondly at him. Baekhyun couldn't resist creepy places or the feeling of excitement and thrill in his face, and Chanyeol couldn't resist the way his best friend's face lit up at something like this.

"Not at all creepy", Junmyeon said sarcastically. He genuinely seemed a bit terrified and Sehun was reminded that he had the memories of a mundane, not a Shadowhunter or a warlock like the rest of them. This wasn't the typical way to spend Tuesday evening for Junmyeon. Shadowhunters and downworlders were used to wondering at creepy settings, but for a mundane (or to a Shadowhunter with no memories of his Shadowhunter life) this was the kind of place to avoid at all costs.

"Don't worry, you have three capable Shadowhunters and a skilled warlock to protect you", Sehun reassured him. 

"It's not that I'm scared", Junmyeon was quick to answer. He looked a bit embarrassed and Sehun could see his face turn red. "I just wouldn't really go to a place like this if it was up to me. Also, I don't really remember how to use this." Junmyeon waved around the glowing seraph blade in his hand. They had given him a weapon for self defence but no one had really had time to train him to use it, so they just had to rely on the fact that he might still have a subconscious memory of how to fight like a Shadowhunter. Sehun was beginning to doubt that as he watched Junmyeon try to desperately get a hold of the blade in his hands. 

"You probably won't even need to use it", Sehun said. "And I can help you train later, when we return from this mission, okay?" Junmyeon nodded and smiled at him.

The mention of training reminded Sehun of his earlier session with Jongin. He tried to push all of those thoughts back where they came from and focus on the mission at hand.

They carefully stepped through the creaking door of the mansion after Chanyeol had drawn a rune to open it. Baekhyun went first, then Chanyeol and Yixing, then Junmyeon and last came Sehun, protecting the back. It looked like they were the first visitors the place had seen for a while. The main hall of the mansion revealed a set of broken stairs and a hanging chandelier decorated by spiderwebs. 

"Careful", Yixing whispered as the group gazed around the building. "I can sense something here. I don't think we're alone."

Sehun felt a flush of air coming from behind him and they all positioned themselves, trying to locate the threat. Someone, or something, was moving around the group at lightspeed and none of them could catch it. 

At last the moving around them stopped and Sehun could hear a laughter coming from the top of the broken stairs in front of them. A man, dressed in a black patterned suit was standing there, laughing at them. Chanyeol and Baekhyun had their blades ready, Yixing had conjured a fireball with his magic and Sehun had his bow loaded and directed at the laughing man. Junmyeon seemed to have frozen completely, but Sehun couldn't blame him.

"What do we have here?", the man yelled in a mocking voice. "Some Shadowhunters and a warlock? To what do I owe this pleasure?" He smiled scornfully and revealed a set of sharp fangs. 

"Great. Now we've gotten ourselves involved in vampire business. This is going to be a lot of paperwork", Baekhyun sighed. The vampire looked offended and in a heartbeat he was standing next to Baekhyun. With his quick reflexes Chanyeol immediately captured the vampire who fell to his knees. Chanyeol held his blade at his throat but the vampire only laughed.

"Typical Shadowhunters, always so hasty", he laughed but he didn't seem to try to fight his way out of Chanyeol's hold. "You should know better than to threaten the one and only Kim Jongdae."

"You're Kim Jongdae?" Yixing exclaimed and took a step closer to the vampire.

"In the flesh", the vampire smiled.

"So, I guess he was murdered in the 60's, just by a vampire, it seems", Baekhyun said to himself and gestured Chanyeol to let go of the vampire. Chanyeol hesitated but ended up taking his blade from Kim Jongdae's throat and pushing him away. The vampire got back on his feet quickly and exaggeratingly brushed dust off of his suit.

Sehun couldn't stand watching the scene the others were causing anymore.

"Why did you steal the memories from this man?" he asked furiously, pointing at Junmyeon who was still standing there, frozen completely still. The vampire directed his gaze towards Junmyeon, who looked like he would have much rather remained unnoticed. 

"You seriously think I have any interest in getting myself involved in Shadowhunter business?" Jongdae chuckled mockingly. He was standing next to Junmyeon and examining him from head to toe. "You Shadowhunters seem to have no idea how to do your job at protecting people."

"You used demonic magic inside his apartment that made him lose his memories. We have proof", Sehun spat. He could feel the anger coursing through his veins and he had to use all his willpower to not punch the vampire in the face. 

"Magic? Do I look like a warlock to you?" Jongdae looked genuinely confused. 

"The magic led us to you, but it is possible someone could be setting you up", Yixing pointed out. "Do you have any enemies or anyone who might be framing you and trying to lead Shadowhunters to accuse you like this?"

"Do I have any enemies?" Jongdae chortled. "I am the leader of a renowned vampire clan, of course I have enemies, tons of them."

"Anyone with an access to strong magic and a grudge against Shadowhunters or the Clave?" Chanyeol asked.

"That doesn't really narrow down the list of candidates a lot", Jongdae laughed. "Every sensible downworlder has their own grudge against Shadowhunters."

"Did we just hit a dead end?" Junmyeon stuttered. 

Jongdae rolled his eyes. "I can ask around, I bet someone knows something about this", he said reluctantly. 

"We should head back to the Institute", Baekhyun said. "Stop by if you find anything", he added to Jongdae who was smiling grotesquely. 

\---

Yixing portaled the group back to the Institute and they gathered around a table in the dining hall to discuss the case but also to eat a well-deserved meal. Sehun hadn't properly eaten a thing the whole day and he was attacking his plate like a wolverine. 

"Listen, I know downworlders, and I know they tend to hold grudges towards all Shadowhunters, not just singular ones", Yixing said and nodded his head towards Junmyeon. "It's possible that whoever did this was directing their attack not only towards Junmyeon but the whole Seoul Institute. Maybe they meant for Junmyeon to be found and for his case to be investigated here. That seems like the only reasonable explanation to me."

"So you mean Junmyeon was just an unfortunate victim here and not a direct target?" Sehun asked. Yixing nodded. 

"I don't know whether I should be relieved or even more terrified", Junmyeon sighed. Sehun had noticed he wasn't eating much, probably still traumatized by the events of the day. 

"Whatever it is, we'll make sense of it, I promise", Sehun reassured him. Junmyeon smiled for a second but it wasn't very convincing. 

They finished their meals, except for Junmyeon who barely ate a thing, and Chanyeol went to investigate the case further with Baekhyun. Sehun stood with Junmyeon in the empty dining hall and smiled at him when their eyes met. Junmyeon looked genuinely miserable and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"I'm here for you, and I'll figure this all out if it's the last of me", Sehun said, even surprising himself by the way he said it. Junmyeon smiled with his eyes as he gently stroked Sehun's arm. 

That's when Sehun could hear a familiar voice calling his name across the hall. Panic coursed through him immediately as he recognized Jongin's voice. Sehun had been trying to avoid talking to him but even he didn't believe he could just avoid his best friend forever. Apparently he couldn't avoid him for even a day. 

"Oh, hi. You must be the Shadowhunter Sehun rescued", Jongin said as he walked towards Sehun and Junmyeon. He was smiling brightly as he shook Junmyeon's hand. "I'm Jongin, I just returned from a long trip so we haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet."

"Hi, yes, I'm Junmyeon", the redhead said as he took Jongin's hand. "Sehun told me about you."

Sehun closed his eyes out of embarrassment. He could feel the way Jongin looked at him with amusement. He hadn't really wanted for Jongin to find out he had talked about him while he was gone, especially to someone he had just met.

"Well, I suppose my reputation precedes me then", Jongin laughed. "Can I borrow Sehun for a moment? We need to talk."

Junmyeon nodded and walked out of the dining hall towards the Ops center where Chanyeol and Baekhyun had headed earlier. 

Sehun felt like he couldn't breathe. He wanted to disappear completely, for the earth to just swallow him right there. He cautiously met Jongin's stare, almost as if he was trying to hide from his best friend right there.

He had had time to think about Jongin's question for the whole day, yet he still didn't have an answer. Or at least he didn't know why he couldn't say yes to becoming parabatais with Jongin. They had known each others since they were kids, grown almost as brothers, followed each other everywhere. They had always fought together but also had fun together. Sehun thought Jongin was the person who knew him the best. He was his best friend, his dearest companion. Yet he had never been able to say yes to becoming parabatais. 

"Sehun, I'm sorry", Jongin said and it took Sehun completely by surprise. _Why is he apologizing to me?_

"What?" Sehun could only let out.

"Just let me say this", Jongin said. Sehun stared at him in complete silence. They were the only two people in the huge dining hall yet the room still felt too small for them. "Sehun, I know you. I know who you are because I have spent my entire childhood with you and I have created all my fondest memories with you. You are my best friend and I love you", Jongin continued. "And it's only natural for me to still want you to become my parabatai, but as I said, I know you. I know you're not the kind of person to want a parabatai because you don't like to let people close. And as you very well know, the parabatai bond is something that ties two people closer together than anything else in the world does. And I know you. And I'm sorry, but I still can't help but ask you to say yes, because there's this voice inside my head that says I will never meet anyone like you. You and me are meant to become parabatais."

Sehun stood completely still and silent, Jongin's words echoing inside his head. The words truly hit him, because they were at least partially true. The reason Sehun found it hard to become anyone's parabatai was because he didn't like letting people close. But then again, it made no sense because he had always been close with Jongin. He had never been afraid to let Jongin close. In fact, he had missed Jongin so much these past few months that it almost physically hurt. He had always wanted Jongin close to him, so it made no sense that the fear of being close was the reason he had refused to become his parabatai. 

Sehun had always possessed an interest towards the Law of the Shadowhunters. There was a certain section in the Law that he had read multiple times, regarding parabatais. 

_It is decreed that those who have undergone the ceremony of parabatai and are forever bound by the terms of the oaths of Saul and David, of Ruth and Naomi, shall not enter into marriage, shall not bear children together, and shall not love each other in the manner of Eros, but only the manner of Philia or Agape._

Basically it meant, parabatais were not allowed to fall in love. 

And Sehun could finally see something he had tried to hide and push away for a very long time. He could see clearly now that there were feelings he had tried to suffocate for all his life. Feelings that he wasn't supposed to have towards his best friend and feelings he was absolutely not supposed to feel towards a possible parabatai of his, as it was literally forbidden by the Law. 

He could finally see something he had spent all these years trying to deny. He was in love with his best friend, Kim Jongin. 

Sehun was returned back from his thoughts to the real life by a single tear he could feel flowing down his face. 

"Sehun, are you okay?" Jongin asked. He looked genuinely worried as he gently cupped Sehun's face with the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry", Sehun mumbled. "I just… I can't. I mean, I need time."

Jongin wiped the tear from Sehun's face with his thumb. "It's okay. I don't need an answer from you right now. I just wanted you to know that I don't want to give up on us", Jongin said.

"I know. I'm sorry", Sehun said one more time as he gently touched Jongin's hand on his face. He sniffled silently and turned to walk out of the dining hall, once again leaving Jongin without an answer to his question.

Sehun could feel his thoughts racing as he walked towards his room. He didn't turn to look back at Jongin who was left standing in the dining hall, with a single tear streaming down his face too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there you have it, finally an update! let me know what you think of this chapter and the fic so far!
> 
> also yes, that one bit about the law is taken from lady midnight :D i have both read the books and watched the series so i'm not entirely sure which one this fic is based on, i guess this is just a general shadowhunter universe and it's not directly tied to either the books or the tv show.


	4. Sleep tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun has trouble sleeping, but he appears to not be the only one with such problems.

Chanyeol was standing with Baekhyun in front of one of the large screens in the Ops center. The blue light of the screen illuminated Baekhyun's face and Chanyeol couldn't help but notice the way it made Baekhyun's eyes look like they were sparkling.

"Okay, so I don't know about you but I don't really trust that vampire, Jongdae", Baekhyun said. "I felt like he was hiding something. I think we should investigate him further, after all."

"Me too", answered Chanyeol. "And I'm one step ahead of you", he continued and took a peace of black fabric out of his pocket. "I cut a tiny piece off of Jongdae's jacket while I held my blade against his throat at the mansion."

Baekhyun had an exaggeratingly impressed look on his face that made Chanyeol let out a little laugh. He let his head fall lightly on Baekhyun's shoulder as he laughed. Baekhyun brushed his arm gently. They were so close they could feel each other's breath.

"Sorry to interrupt", sounded a voice behind them. Chanyeol flinched and jumped away from Baekhyun as he saw Junmyeon walking towards them. He didn't seem bothered to have seen them share an unprompted moment of closeness, just a little uneasy, possibly because of the whole situation and the terrifying day he must have just had, meeting an actual vampire at what seemed like a haunted mansion. "Is there anything I could do to help? Regarding the investigations or literally anything at all. I feel pretty useless just wandering these halls", Junmyeon continued.

Chanyeol cleared his throat and looked at Baekhyun who didn't seem startled at all. He didn't meet Chanyeol's gaze but looked at Junmyeon with a reassuring smile. Baekhyun had always been a mood-maker. Someone who could make even the most daunting anxieties go away with a simple smile and a few gentle words. Someone who you would want to see first thing on a Monday. Chanyeol had known him for so long he didn't really even know what he would do without him.

"Sure, I'll find you something to work on", Baekhyun said and turned towards the screens. "Hold on a second, I will make sure you have full access to the Institute's database." Junmyeon smiled and looked down.

"Do you think everything's okay with Sehun?" Junmyeon said cautiously. "He seemed a bit off today. Could it have something to do with his best friend's sudden return?"

Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at each other. They had known Sehun long enough to know that there were some sort of unresolved feelings or problems between him and Jongin, but they had gotten used to Sehun not wanting to talk about his feelings often. Sehun usually solved his bad moods by training extra hard, he was more of a doer that a talker.

"You're right, I think there's something going on with him, and I think Jongin has something to do with it", Chanyeol answered. "Sehun doesn't really talk about his feelings that much, he's kind of a private person most of the time."

"Really?" said Junmyeon. "He did talk with me pretty openly the other night. He talked about his and Jongin's friendship and he said he missed him. And he also talked about something called parabatais, I think. This intense bond that two Shadowhunters can have."

"Sehun talked to you about parabatais?" Baekhyun wondered with his mouth wide open. "Wow. It's one of those topics he always thoroughly avoids. It has something to do with the way he and Jongin never became parabatais even though they were supposed to."

"I- I shouldn't be poking my nose into all this. It's not really my business", Junmyeon said. "I just wanted to make sure Sehun was okay."

"That's very kind of you", Baekhyun smiled. 

Chanyeol felt really puzzled. He had always thought he was pretty close with Sehun, even though they never really talked deeply about feelings. There must be something special about Junmyeon for Sehun to share his thoughts with him so openly, only after knowing him for a day or two, he thought.

"All cleared", Baekhyun said to Junmyeon. "You now have access to all of these crazy screens in this room." He pointed at the bright screens around him that blazed a blue light that illuminated the whole room. "You can help us with the investigation!"

\---

Sehun spent the day training, as he always did when he had difficult thoughts he desperately needed to process. He went for a long run, almost destroyed one of the Institute's punching bags and shot what must have been at least a hundred arrows. None of it truly helped but it did manage to take his mind off of Jongin for a while. You can't think of feelings when you feel physically so exhausted you can hardly breathe. It was slowly becoming Sehun's motto.

That night he found it unusually hard to fall asleep, despite all the physical exhaustion he had put himself through. His thoughts kept him wide awake.

How long had he been in love with his best friend? How long had he had these feelings, these feelings he had clearly spent a long time trying to suffocate and forget?

When he thought of him and Jongin as teenagers he could see it all clearly now. He had felt a flush of jealousy when Jongin had his first girlfriend when they had been 15. It had never turned out to be anything serious, but in the years that followed, Sehun learned that Jongin enjoyed the company of many romantic partners, while Sehun himself never seemed to find anyone.

Because there had never truly been anyone he would have wanted. No one else but Jongin.

And parabatais weren't allowed to fall in love. That's why Sehun hadn't been able to say yes to Jongin's proposal all those years ago.

Sehun kept tossing and turning in his bed until he finally decided to stop trying and go for a walk. He threw on a hoodie and slipped his feet into his shoes. It was 3 A.M. and everyone was either sleeping or out on night patrol. The hallways of the Institute were empty and lonely. Sehun gazed at Jongin's bedroom door for a moment but walked past it towards the stairs and up to the roof of the Institute. It was a perfect place to think and to be alone, and Sehun had spent countless hours just sitting there on his own and looking at the city lights and passing cars. 

Except this time when he opened the door that lead to the roof he realized he wasn't alone. There was a figure sitting there, gazing up at the moon. Sehun had left all his weapons in his room, not thinking he'd come to need them inside the Institute. He now regretted it, not knowing who the person on the roof was until he turned to face Sehun. He must have heard him coming in.

It was Junmyeon. He looked sad and a bit lost but he faked a small smile for Sehun when he recognized him. Sehun immediately relaxed at the absence of danger. 

"You can't sleep either?" Junmyeon asked and looked down. Sehun walked towards him and sat on the edge of the roof next to him. 

"Yeah", he muttered. 

The two of them didn't look at each other as they sat. Both of their gazes were directed towards the road beneath them. It was empty, only the streetlights illuminating the dark pavement. 

"Is everything okay?" Junmyeon asked carefully. He looked shyly towards Sehun's hands that were rested on the edge of the roof.

"Not really, no", Sehun answered. He didn't bother to lie, not when he could clearly see the way Junmyeon saw through him.

"You can talk to me if you want", Junmyeon said and set his hand next to Sehun's. There was a long silence but it wasn't awkward in any way. It fit the mood of the silent, gloomy night very well. "Baekhyun told me something", Junmyeon finally continued. "He was surprised you had talked to me about certain things. Apparently you opened up to me about things you never tell him or anyone else for that matter." The silence continued. "Why me?"

"Because", Sehun hesitated for a moment. "Because you're not Baekhyun, or Chanyeol or Jongin." Junmyeon looked confused. "Everyone thinks they know me so well. I have been a certain way for a really long time and I just… I feel like no one truly understands me. Because they expect me to be this stoic, hard-hearted soldier with no feelings." Sehun took a moment to breathe. He felt like he could have cried but he held back the tears. "I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. And you're someone who doesn't have these deep rooted expectations of me because we just met. It's easier to talk to you than anyone else I know."

Saying all that might have been something Sehun could regret but he didn't feel that way. He felt relieved, actually, like a weight lifted from his shoulders. He had been bottling up all his emotions for so long and now he was finally saying these things out loud. He felt like it was easier to breathe, like there was more air in his lungs than there had been in years.

The silence between them continued for what felt like an eternity but it didn't really bother Sehun at all.

"And no, I can't sleep because Jongin asked me to become his parabatai and I don't know what to answer to him", Sehun finally said. 

"Really? He did?" Junmyeon asked but stopped his questions there when he saw the look on Sehun's face that signaled he didn't really want to talk about it, and Junmyeon was totally fine with that.

"What about you? Why are you here? Why can't you sleep?" Sehun asked.

"Actually, I did sleep for a while but I woke up from a terrible nightmare. I've been having dreams like that ever since I got here at the Institute", Junmyeon explained.

"What kind of dreams?" 

"I keep reliving the moment that demon attacked me. Except this time you're not there to save me", Junmyeon sighed. "And the demon always looks different than it did that time. In my last nightmare it looked like a demonic version of a grasshopper or a mantis or something. It was terrifying."

"Wait, that sounds like a mantid demon", Sehun exclaimed. He turned to properly look at Junmyeon now. "You haven't encountered a single mantid demon in these few days you have spent here. Why are you seeing dreams of a demon that you have never even seen?"

"Maybe I have seen one of those… In my past life as a Shadowhunter. The life I've forgotten", Junmyeon pondered.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sehun asked. "That those nightmares might actually be fragments of your old memories?"

"That sounds crazy, I know. But this world has proven to be nothing short of crazy so I think it's totally possible that my memories from my demon-hunting times could be showing up in my dreams now that I'm at an Institute and I've seen a part of this world", Junmyeon said. They were sitting so close to each other that Sehun could see how Junmyeon was literally trembling. Probably both out of fear and the cool air of the night.

"The events of these past days could be reawakening your memories", Sehun said silently, his words almost a whisper.

"What do I do?" Junmyeon shivered. Sehun felt a slight urge to hug the other man, but he didn't.

"You're not going to like this but… I think you should sleep and report to us of your dreams in the morning", Sehun said. He truly felt sorry about advicing Junmyeon to face his nightmares like that but he couldn't think of any other way. "If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I want to help."

"I…", Junmyeon hesitated. "I really shouldn't be asking this, and I completely understand if you refuse this."

"Anything. What is it?" Sehun asked. He felt worried but made sure to give Junmyeon a reassuring look.

"Could I sleep in your room?" Junmyeon spilled. Sehun looked startled for a second, to which Junmyeon continued, "On your floor. I just don't want to be alone right now."

"Of course", Sehun assured, as soon as he managed to collect himself from the surprise that Junmyeon's question had produced in him.

"Thank you", Junmyeon said with a smile and brushed Sehun's fingers with his own for a second before he turned around and started towards the door. 

Sehun felt like he couldn't move for a second. He turned to look towards Junmyeon who was slowly walking across the roof and to the door that Sehun had left open when he arrived. Only when Junmyeon turned to look back at him did Sehun manage to get up and walk after him.

They walked slowly down the stairs and to the bedrooms. There was complete silence between them but it was a comfortable silence. Everything felt weirdly comfortable around Junmyeon, Sehun thought. He had a calming aura, or something, that made Sehun feel at ease even when he was the one supposed to comfort Junmyeon at a situation like this.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep on the armchair", Sehun said as he closed his bedroom door after them. Junmyeon looked like he was about to protest but Sehun shook his head and reassured the other man until Junmyeon, looking very exhausted, gave up and lay on the bed. Sehun collapsed on the armchair next to the bed.

"Good night, Junmyeon", Sehun said with a small smile.

"Good night, Sehun", said Junmyeon and closed his eyes slowly. His head fell on Sehun's pillow so easily that Sehun was sure he fell asleep immediately.

He looked at Junmyeon who looked so calm, even beautiful, in his sleep. Before falling asleep too, Sehun whispered so silently that it was almost inaudible, "Don't worry, I'll fight off all of your demons tonight."

Sehun fell asleep in a very uncomfortable position on the armchair, and dreamed of teaching Junmyeon how to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, thank you so much for reading!! please let me know what you thought of the chapter in the comments <3
> 
> because the world is what it is right now, you can expect more frequent updates to this fic because i have more time to write. hope everyone is staying happy and safe!


	5. Dreams of memories, memories of dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon tells the others about his dreams that feel oddly real, as if they were memories. Sehun helps Junmyeon with training, which leads to a strange situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's finally a chapter mostly from junmyeon's pov! i hope you enjoy <3

Junmyeon opened his eyes slowly. He could feel the sun streaming through the window, warming his face gently. It took his eyes a few seconds to get used to the light and even then it took him a few moments to realize where he was. He wasn't in the empty guestroom of the Institute but in Sehun's bedroom, on Sehun's bed, alone. Sehun had slept on the armchair next to the bed but the chair was empty now, Sehun nowhere to be seen.

Junmyeon lifted himself up on his elbows and scoped the room. It wasn't empty and null like the guestroom he had slept in all the other nights at the Institute; the room was filled with things that made it look like someone lived there, specifically, Sehun. There were a few books and a pair of black headphones on the nightstand, a pile of black clothes in the corner of the room, a few ornaments on the brown dresser opposite the bed and, to Junmyeon's surprise, a guitar leaning to the dresser. Junmyeon also noticed the weird-looking stick on top of the dresser, the one all Shadowhunters carried with them everywhere and called a stele. _If Sehun's stele is still here, he can't have gone far_ , Junmyeon thought to himself.

The past few days had been a rollercoaster to Junmyeon. He was still getting used to the strange customs of the Shadowhunters and the unfamiliar coldness of the Institute. For some reason, Sehun was the only one that didn't feel strange or cold to him. Sehun felt somehow familiar, as if he knew him from a former life. Whenever Junmyeon was around Sehun, he didn't feel the ache of being so lost and stripped of his memories. Looking into Sehun's eyes made him feel less homesick. And he had slept better than ever in Sehun's bed that night, despite the odd dreams that felt like old memories, the ones he had seen every night since arriving at the Institute. And his dream last night hadn't been as bad as before, mainly because for the first time Sehun had been there in the dream too, supporting Junmyeon in his lonely fight against the demons.

Junmyeon noticed a watch on Sehun's dresser and got up to check the time. It was almost 9 A.M. though he felt like he had slept for much longer. 

He heard a voice from behind the door next to the bed. He hadn't even noticed the door before, it was not the door to the hallway but a smaller door, possibly leading to a closet or a bathroom. Soon enough he got his answer when the door suddenly opened and Sehun walked out, his hair wet and nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Junmyeon felt awkward standing there looking at Sehun but he felt it would have been even more awkward to just hastily look away. Besides, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Sehun's beautiful body proportions, the way his broad shoulders stood out, and the way his abs and biceps clearly signaled about his intense Shadowhunter training. Sehun's black hair fell so graciously to his forehead that it made him look like a painting or a work of art. Junmyeon felt his mouth go dry and he had no idea what to say or do.

"Sorry if I woke you up, I had to take a shower", Sehun said. _I can see that_ , Junmyeon thought. Sehun seemed totally calm and cool about the situation.

"No-no, you didn't wake me. It was already time for me to get up", Junmyeon stuttered. He was afraid his face was going red.

Sehun walked to the wardrobe on the other side of the room and Junmyeon felt relieved. 

"I-… I should probably go to my room and change too", Junmyeon managed to say. He desperately wanted to get himself out of the situation as fast as possible, preferably before Sehun would notice his embarrassment.

"Okay, see you at breakfast then", Sehun said and waved his hand lazily. Junmyeon shot him a quick smile before he opened the door and slipped out. 

Junmyeon leaned to the wall on the hallway and sighed. _God, he's going to think I'm a weirdo now._

\---

Sehun took a pair of black jeans and a grey sweater from his wardrobe and got dressed. He still felt a wave of embarrassment from walking out of the bathroom half-naked in front of Junmyeon. He had tried his best to seem calm and keep his cool about it but he intensely regretted not bringing a change of clean clothes to the bathroom with him to avoid the situation. Sehun thought Junmyeon must have already felt himself a bit intrusive and pushy about sleeping in his room, Sehun didn't need to give him more reasons to feel that way. Especially when Sehun didn't think Junmyeon was being intrusive at all. He quite liked spending time with the other man, and last night had been no exception. 

Sehun slipped his stele to one pocket of his jeans and his guardian angel pendant to the other and made his way to the dining hall that was almost empty. Most of morning patrol had finished their breakfast hours ago and Shadowhunters who had been on night patrol usually just skipped breakfast and slept in. However, Sehun could instantly spot Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Jongin sitting at one of the tables, and made his way towards them. 

Sehun still felt weird about seeing Jongin after last day's events but he gathered all his courage and sat opposite him with a smile on his face. Jongin looked a bit confused but smiled back, as he always did. 

"Good morning", Baekhyun said. "Glad to see you finally joining us. We thought you had decided to form a new habit of oversleeping every single morning." Chanyeol chuckled. Sehun could see how all of their plates were already empty. They must have finished their breakfast already and were just talking.

"No, I only do that on some mornings", Sehun said and bit into his sandwich. "What's the latest?"

"We'd like to talk with Junmyeon and see if he's made any progress on the investigations", Baekhyun said. "I gave him access to all Institute files so he could keep investigating his own case while me and Chanyeol have to make sure the Institute stays up and running."

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had been running the Institute ever since Chanyeol's parents moved to Idris and put their son in charge. That made Chanyeol the head of the Seoul Institute but he had quickly appointed Baekhyun as the co-head because the two of them rarely did anything alone.

"Ah, yes, Junmyeon actually did have something to catch us up on", Sehun said. "Apparently ever since he arrived here he's been seeing these weird dreams that seem almost like memories. He should be here soon, he just went back to his room to change."

"Wait, what?" Chanyeol exclaimed. "Back to his room? Back from where?"

Sehun closed his eyes slowly and sighed. He had been so focused on eating his breakfast and catching the others up on the news that he had forgotten his plan to keep last night a secret. 

"Oh my god, are you telling me he spent the night with you?" Baekhyun gasped. He looked insanely amused, almost like he was enjoying Sehun's embarrassment to the fullest. Jongin looked at Sehun with a questioning look on his face.

"He had nightmares so he asked if he could sleep in my room. He didn't want to be alone so I gave him my bed and slept on the chair myself. Am I not allowed to be hospitable now?" Sehun grumbled. The others laughed at him.

"Yes, you are", Chanyeol grinned. "It's just not like you to do something like that."

"Well, maybe you didn't know me as well as you thought", Sehun said and got back to his sandwich. 

Baekhyun waved at Junmyeon who had just entered the dining hall and was looking very lost. He saw the group and walked slowly towards them, strictly avoiding eye contact with Sehun.

"We heard you have something to tell us", said Baekhyun. Sehun saw Junmyeon swallow slowly before he sat down next to him.

So Junmyeon told them. He told about the dreams and the demons that had appeared in them. He described the demons and the others immediately gave the demons names that Junmyeon had never heard of before, except for the mantid demon which Sehun had mentioned the night before. He told about the way the demons had attacked him and there had been no one to save him, just a faint shadow of a man laughing behind the demon. The others had him describe the man and the laughter but Junmyeon couldn't, he had no clear image of it inside his head. He felt like he was already forgetting parts of his dreams, just the way dreams were usually forgotten soon after waking up. 

One part Junmyeon didn't forget, though, was Sehun in his last dream. He hadn't saved him, per se, but he had been there by his side, supporting and reassuring him. Junmyeon left Sehun's appearance out while telling the others about his dreams. He didn't see it as relevant to his story. He also felt a bit embarrassed about it. He didn't want to be seen as someone who needed saving, not even if it was what the others already thought about him.

"Wow, those dreams must be a clue to this all", Jongin finally said after a long silence that had followed Junmyeon's story. The others nodded, still deep in thought.

Sehun felt strangely distant from Junmyeon despite the fact that they sat directly next to each other and their shoulders bumped against each other every once in a while. Junmyeon felt even more lost and out of hope than before. 

"I guess there must be. But I have no idea what to do with all of this", Junmyeon sighed.

Sehun felt an odd sadness go through him, and he couldn't help but place his hand on top of Junmyeon's on the bench under the table. It was a small gesture of consolation and reassurement but Sehun could see chills going through Junmyeon when he touched him. For a second he was scared he had done something wrong but then he felt Junmyeon's fingers slowly curling around his and he relaxed at the touch. 

Sehun could see Jongin, Chanyeol and Baekhyun intensely discussing something, probably something about how to proceed with the investigation, but he wasn't focusing on their words. He felt the world slowing around him, around his and Junmyeon's conjoined hands. Sehun couldn't see Junmyeon's face but he felt like neither of them was focusing on what the others were talking. They found momentary tranquility in the touch of each other's hands and it felt okay.

"Junmyeon, you should call Yixing and tell him what you just told us", Chanyeol said and snapped Sehun and Junmyeon from whatever state of quietude they had just been trapped in. "I think warlocks might have their own kind of special ways to investigate dreams. We need Yixing's perspective in this, he might know something more about these kind of dreams."

Junmyeon nodded and got up quickly without looking at Sehun, their hands separating easily. Sehun saw Chanyeol give him his phone and say something about what to ask from Yixing. Sehun was left staring after them, feeling empty and confused.

"You okay?" Jongin asked, carefully making eye contact with Sehun.

"Yeah", Sehun said and smiled, knowing his best friend knew him well enough to recognize the smile as a fake one. 

Jongin didn't look convinced, which didn't surprise Sehun. They knew what the other looked like when they were deep in thought and perplexity. 

\---

Junmyeon felt his hands shake slightly when he put down Chanyeol's phone after finishing his phone call with Yixing. He had caught the warlock up with the dreams he had seen, and Yixing had promised to pay them a visit later that day, which Junmyeon told to the others immediately.

He felt weird about everything. About his dreams, the Institute, the coldness that came with not knowing what to do, and what shook him the most, he felt weird about Sehun. 

There was no denying it: Sehun made him feel grounded. Sehun was the only thing about his current life that didn't leave him feeling scared and confused. But after the events of the night before and this morning, Junmyeon couldn't help but feel weird about Sehun. There was definitely a strange, inexplicable connection between the two of them. Junmyeon felt like he wanted to talk about it to Sehun but the thought of talking about it also made him feel tense. 

Sehun looked determined when he walked up to Junmyeon, smiling. Junmyeon felt a shiver go through his body, not exactly knowing why.

"Hey, since it seems we're going to have to wait, do you perhaps want me to help you out with weapons and training?" Sehun asked. "It wouldn't hurt for you to be a bit more prepared and more educated about the Shadow world." There was amusement in Sehun's voice but it wasn't mocking.

"Yeah, sure", Junmyeon answered with a smile. "You're right, I was absolutely lost when you last gave me the glowing blade-thingy."

"They're called seraph blades", Sehun smiled fondly. 

Sehun gave Junmyeon a set of training clothes, and the both of them went back to their rooms to change into training gear. 

The training clothes were black, as all Shadowhunter clothes seemed to be. Junmyeon didn't mind it - he found the black clothes sort of cool, especially the jackets and boots that Shadowhunters wore on missions. 

They met at the weapons room where Sehun was already picking up weapons. He introduced Junmyeon to the basics of Shadowhunter weapons. He found out that Sehun's signature weapon was bow and arrow but apparently all Shadowhunters were trained to fight with many different weapons. 

Shadowhunter training seemed intense to Junmyeon, and he started to feel a bit nervous about Sehun helping him train. He didn't remember ever training with weapons before which made him scared he was going to accidentally get himself hurt for being inexperienced. 

Junmyeon ended up picking a pair of daggers that didn't feel as clumsy in his hands as the seraph blade had felt. Sehun gave him an encouraging smile that filled Junmyeon with relief. 

"Your files said your signature weapons used to be daggers and butterfly knives", Sehun pointed out. "Apparently you are - or you used to be - talented at throwing knives. Want to give that a try?" 

Sehun led them to the training room and pointed towards the targets at the end of the room. Junmyeon felt a bit lost but Sehun looked very much at home inside the training room, holding a pair of knives in his hands. 

"Observe", Sehun said and raised his eyebrows. Junmyeon couldn't help but think of it as flirtation. He swallowed.

Sehun threw the pair of knifes towards the targets so fast that it left Junmyeon startled. Both of the knives hit the middle of the target with ease. Sehun didn't even look smug - he looked completely calm and relaxed. Junmyeon let out a small sound that signaled how impressed but nervous he was.

"I can't possibly do that", Junmyeon said with his mouth wide open. 

Sehun laughed.

"Of course, not. But I'm here to help you learn to", Sehun said assertively.

Junmyeon swallowed and looked at the daggers in his hands. There was something strangely familiar about the way the daggers rested in his hands but throwing them the way Sehun had felt near impossible. 

Sehun walked right behind Junmyeon and placed his hand on his shoulder. 

"I'll show you the right posture for throwing", Sehun said and positioned himself behind Junmyeon. Sehun took Junmyeons arm and set it back in the same position his own arm had been in when he had thrown the knives.

Junmyeon tried to stay as calm as he could, letting Sehun place his body to the right position. Sehun's body felt secure against his, and Sehun's hands were sure when he corrected Junmyeon's posture. Junmyeon had to remind himself how to breathe, not having been this close to anyone in as long as he could remember. 

In the middle of it all, Junmyeon found himself thinking, had he ever been close with anyone? He had no clear memory of his family or friends, and no memory of ever having a romantic relationship with anyone. It was a strange feeling, not remembering if he had ever been this close to anyone, ever had anyone's body pressed against his the way Sehun's body was now. 

Maybe that was the reason it felt so electric to Junmyeon. It was like he was being touched and secured for the first time ever, which was unlikely to be the truth. But that's what it felt like.

Suddenly Sehun backed up from him and it snapped Junmyeon back to reality. 

"There you go, that's the optimal posture for throwing", Sehun said. He had moved to face Junmyeon and was now demonstrating the best way to actually throw the knife. Junmyeon was only partially paying attention, still slightly lost in thought. 

"Go ahead, give it a try", Sehun encouraged. He nodded to Junmyeon who still looked a bit unsure.

Junmyeon felt strangely electric, almost strong, standing there with the knife in his hand, ready to throw. He was surprised by the way his body responded to the throwing posture Sehun had put him in. It felt almost familiar, just like how the knife felt familiar in his hands. _I have done this before. I know how this is done_ , Junmyeon thought.

And he threw the knife, so fiercely it almost shocked him. The knife flew so fast towards the target that it left even Sehun startled. It landed surely right to the middle of the target, making a painfully loud noice. 

It took them both a while to register what had just happened. Sehun was the first one to realize, and as a reflex he placed his hand in front of his mouth in shock. Junmyeon just stood there, staring at the target that now bore the knife he had just thrown. 

"By the Angel", Sehun finally said, clearly still in shock. He walked to Junmyeon and placed his hand on his shoulder. "You just did _that_. You're incredible."

Junmyeon felt out of breath. He felt a strong, ticking pain in his head. He gasped loudly which made Sehun look worried. 

"Are you okay?" Sehun asked. He placed his hands on Junmyeon's shoulders, steadying him. 

The pain inside Junmyeon's head grew stronger and he let out a small cry. He closed his eyes in pain and felt helplessly overstimulated. It was like a thousand films were shown inside his head at once. He didn't manage to get hold of any of it, just bits and pieces of what felt like an entire lifetime. Someone's lifetime was flashing inside his head and it hurt him in an excruciating, maddening way.

Sehun's voice faded out slowly as everything went black and Junmyeon passed out on the floor of the training room, secured by Sehun's strong arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it! let me know in the comments what you think <3
> 
> also, i sincerely hope you are all staying safe rn and staying inside as much as possible. sending lots of love <3


	6. It's in your actions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun worries about Junmyeon's health, but also ends up finding new clues thanks to an unexpected ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i listened to troye sivan while writing this chapter so if it's sappy you can blame troye's discography haha. also sending all the congrats to jongdae for the birth of his baby girl!! his little april flower omg ;__; i wouldn't trust the vampire!dae from this fic with a baby though :D

"What happened?" Chanyeol asked with panic in his voice.

"Junmyeon", Sehun only replied, refusing to meet Chanyeol's eyes. Baekhyun stood by him, looking equally worried. 

They were standing outside the infirmary where Sehun had carried Junmyeon after the other man had collapsed on the floor of the training room. Panic and adrenaline in his veins, carrying Junmyeon hadn't been as hard as Sehun would have imagined. Thankfully he was relatively taller and bigger than Junmyeon, and also extremely desperate to get him help as soon as possible.

So he had carried him to the infirmary where he had briefly explained the situation to the medics who had then ushered him out of the room and into the hallway. 

Sehun stood there, feeling paralyzed. He felt the kind of terror he hadn't felt in ages. Shadowhunters knew their life came with untold dangers which made them all very much aware that they could lose a friend or a family member any moment. 

But somehow Junmyeon was different. Sehun didn't think of him as a regular Shadowhunter like the rest of them. He was in no way prepared to lose him, even though he had only known him for less than a week. Sehun felt responsible for the other man which meant he was now partially blaming himself for what had happened to him.

Baekhyun said something about going to see the surveillance footage of the training room and disappeared with Chanyeol, leaving Sehun standing alone in the hallway, staring at the infirmary door, waiting for someone to walk out and tell him Junmyeon was going to be okay.

Sehun felt someone put a hand on his shoulder and he turned around. It was Jongin, looking worried. 

"I heard what happened. Are you okay?" Jongin asked. "And don't lie to me this time, I know you well enough to know when you're not telling the truth." Jongin's smile was reassuring and warm, as always. Sehun relaxed for a moment when Jongin took his hand in his and caressed his palm gently.

"I'm scared", Sehun said. It took him a lot of willpower to keep himself calm but feeling Jongin's gentle hand in his made him manage his temper.

Jongin looked at him knowingly and smiled a soft smile.

"I've heard you feel somewhat responsible for him", Jongin said and nodded towards the infirmary door, implying that he meant Junmyeon. "You care about him, and you don't need to hide it. I know that you are capable of caring so deeply, even if you don't show it. It's one of my favourite things about you. You don't use words to signal that you care about someone. It's in your actions: the things you do and the ways you react to someone being in danger."

Sehun felt a single tear slide through his cheek. He hadn't even properly noticed it until Jongin gently brushed it off with his thumb and cupped Sehun's face with his hand. 

"He's going to be okay. We have the best medics here, they're doing everything they can", Jongin comforted him. Sehun nodded against Jongin's hand slightly and swallowed. "Do you think you could come to the Ops center with us and explain what happened so that we could do our part to help?" Jongin asked with a smile that seemed to melt Sehun's heart.

Sehun nodded and they walked hand in hand to the Ops center where Baekhyun and Chanyeol had just finished watching the footage from Sehun's and Junmyeon's fateful training session.

Sehun explained the whole situation to the others: the way Junmyeon had thrown the knife perfectly, as if he had trained for years, and the way he had then frozen still and collapsed in pain. 

"Maybe throwing knives is in his muscle memory and he just went into shock after seeing himself throw like that", Chanyeol said.

"Or he remembered something after throwing the knife", Baekhyun guessed. Everyone pointed their stares toward him. "Just guessing."

"No, I think you might be on to something", Jongin said. "Maybe he experienced a flashback of sorts. He could have his memories back, or at least some of them", he continued and patted Sehun's shoulder excitedly. 

A black-haired medic in a white coat walked towards them and Sehun immediately turned to face her. 

"His body is functioning just normally, and he will be okay. He's still asleep but you can visit him if you want to", she said to Sehun.

Sehun felt relief flow through himself so strongly he almost lost his balance. Thankfully Jongin was just behind him to grab his shoulders and steady him. 

Sehun followed the medic and turned to look back at the others who weren't following them. Jongin saw Sehun's questioning look and nodded at him. It seemed the others wanted to give him a moment alone with Junmyeon, and Sehun had nothing against it.

Junmyeon lay on the white infirmary bed, his red, sweaty hair spread on the pillow. He looked pretty much the same he had the first time Sehun had seen him on the very same bed less than a week ago, just after he had rescued him from the demon on the street. 

"I wouldn't count on him to wake up just yet. He needs rest", the medic said. She smiled a friendly smile at Sehun and exited through the backdoor, leaving Sehun and Junmyeon completely alone in the white room with bright lights.

Sehun sat on the stool next to the bed and looked at Junmyeon. He looked peaceful in his sleep, leaving Sehun almost wishing he wouldn't wake up but continue his rest for a while longer. 

"I hope you know that I'm here to make sure you're safe", Sehun said quietly. He felt a bit strange talking to Junmyeon, not knowing if he could even hear him. But he felt even stranger just sitting there in complete silence. "I'm here to protect you. And to fight off whatever demons you're battling alone, be it in real life or in your nightmares."

Sehun felt like he couldn't look at Junmyeon anymore so he just stared at the floor.

"Jongin is right about me. He told me that I care deeply about people, but that it doesn't show in my words but my actions and reactions." Sehun wasn't even sure what he was talking about anymore, or why, but he felt like he wanted to get it out, even if it was to an unconscious Junmyeon. "I care about you and I don't really even know why. But I know I do, because of the way I panicked when you collapsed. I'd blame myself if anything were to happen to you."

"How sweet", Sehun heard a mocking voice say behind him. He turned around hastily and saw Kim Jongdae, the vampire they had met and blamed for taking Junmyeon's memories recently, standing there in the corner of the room. He was wearing a burgundy suit and a pair of shiny shoes that reflected the bright light of the infirmary. "I'm almost touched by that speech. But just almost", the vampire continued.

Sehun didn't have any of his weapons with him which left him completely defenseless against the vampire. He still decided to stand up, just to seem a little less powerless in the situation.

"Why are you here? You have something to do with what happened to him after all, don't you?" Sehun demanded. He had stepped in between Jongdae and Junmyeon, as if to protect the unconscious man on the bed, just like he had promised he would.

"Typical Shadowhunters, always so accusatory", Jongdae sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, I still don't have anything to do with the lost memories of your precious Shadowhunter, though I understand why you would blame me, I have that dashingly handsome and villainous look in me. Also, I got framed by someone."

"You found clues? Do you know who framed you?" Sehun asked. 

"Not exactly, but I'm pretty sure we're dealing with Faerie business here. I asked around and it appears some seelies have been attempting to destroy Shadowhunter lives by making them think they're mundane", Jongdae explained. "That could mean erasing memories of being a Shadowhunter, like with your friend here." Jongdae pointed at Junmyeon who lay still on the bed. "I don't know their motives though, but then again, who knows why seelies do anything in the first place?"

Sehun felt overwhelmed by the new information. He thought it all made sense, though. There had previously been many cases in Seoul where seelies had tormented innocent Shadowhunters for their own mysterious purposes. 

"We need to find the specific seelie or seelies who are responsible for this. There's no way we can just go around blaming the entire seelie community without any evidence", Sehun said. He was reminding himself to be rational about this, even if it was Junmyeon who had been hurt. There was no use in losing his temper right now. "Come on, you need to tell us everything you know", Sehun added. He ushered Jongdae out of the infirmary room with him, leaving Junmyeon alone on the bed again. Sehun caught one last glance at him, still lying peacefully on the bed. _I'm going to come back to you in a second. Just hang in there_ , he thought to himself as he closed the door behind them.

\---

When Sehun and Jongdae arrived to the Ops center they were met with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongin and, to their surprise,Yixing who had apparently just arrived to the Institute, just as Junmyeon had said he would after their phone call. 

Everyone's reactions to seeing Kim Jongdae at the Institute were priceless. Chanyeol and Baekhyun pulled their seraph blades from their weapon belts, Yixing looked at him in suspicion and Jongin looked mostly confused; both by Jongdae and by everyone's reactions.

Sehun briefly explained what the vampire was doing there which made Chanyeol and Baekhyun put their blades away, though they still looked suspicious about Jongdae's presence. Jongdae just smiled his charming but somehow treacherous smile.

"This does seem odd enough to have something to do with seelies", Yixing murmured. "Excuse me, I have to go check something. I'll be back soon, hopefully with more clues about which seelies might be behind this." He left the room without another word.

"Look, I'm being useful. And after you all blamed _me_ for being responsible for this", Jongdae mocked. 

Baekhyun shrugged and shot Jongdae a vicious look. Jongdae just smiled at him.

"I'll be leaving too, but you know where to find me", Jongdae said with a wink. "It does seem like you Shadowhunters have no idea how to proceed with your little investigations without my precious help. You're welcome." He walked out of the room looking smug. Chanyeol rolled his eyes.

"I'll look into any possible reports on suspicious seelie behaviour lately", Baekhyun informed and approached one of the bright screens in the room. 

Sehun gave the others a forced smile and rushed right back to the infirmary to see if Junmyeon had woken up while he had been away.

He opened the door to the infirmary and saw the medic woman talking to Junmyeon who was awake. He looked a bit worned out but otherwise surprisingly healthy when he nodded to whatever the medic was saying to him. Both Junmyeon and the medic turned to look at Sehun when he stepped in.

"I'll come back soon to check on you", the medic said to Junmyeon and left the room after smiling briefly at Sehun. 

But the only smile Sehun was paying attention to was Junmyeon's. He approached the bed and sat on the stool next to the bed.

"Hi", he said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly okay", Junmyeon said with a small chuckle that made Sehun smile. "Very tired, though."

"What happened?", Sehun had to ask. "You know, in the training room earlier."

"Sehun, I-", Junmyeon stammered. "I think I remembered something."

Sehun almost gasped. Jongin had been right, after all. Junmyeon was regaining his memories.

"I don't remember everything, but I have these small pieces of memories in my head that I can't quite put together", Junmyeon continued. "It's something, right?"

"Yeah, it's amazing", Sehun grinned. 

"I'd tell you everything, but I feel like I'm about to pass out any second now", Junmyeon yawned. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, of course", Sehun nodded. "Get some rest, I won't bother you for any longer." 

He was about to get up and leave but Junmyeon touched his hand gently.

"Sehun, wait", he said. "Thank you, for everything. I-, I think I heard you speaking to me while I was still sleeping. At least I hope it was real and not a dream."

"I did", Sehun nodded. He wasn't sure whether to feel happy or embarrassed about the fact that Junmyeon had heard him.

"So, thank you. For protecting me and for caring about me. I feel so lost but you caring about me and taking care of me… It's the reason I'm still somehow managing all of this." Junmyeon said fondly, tiredness in his eyes. "I care about you too and I wish there was a way for me to show it to you the way you have showed it to me by taking care of me and protecting me."

"There's no need. I already know that", Sehun said and brushed Junmyeon's arm gently.

Junmyeon was beginning to look more exhausted. Sehun quickly adjusted the pillow under his head and smiled at him. 

"Get as much rest as you need", Sehun said. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"Okay", Junmyeon nodded and closed his eyes.

\---

Sehun was sent out on patrol for the rest of the day. Chanyeol assured him that hunting demons would put his mind off of Junmyeon and ease his worries. As always, Sehun went alone with his bow and quiver, and managed to kill a whole pack of kuri demons. He found it strange to see so many of them out so early in the night but didn't let it bother him for longer.

It was already past midnight when he returned to the Institute, and the halls were mostly empty. He took off his dirty gear and took a quick a shower, letting the flowing water clean all the demon ichor from his hair.

He found falling asleep almost impossible once again. His mind was racing and there was no way for him to organize his thoughts. He rolled around in his sheets for what felt like hours until he finally got up and out of his bedroom where he only felt trapped in his thoughts. He considered going to the roof of the Institute again but ended up turning around and going to the library instead.

The library was huge. The glass ceiling let the moonlight in and lit the library up almost magically, making it seem like it was straight from a fairytale. 

Sehun headed straight to a corner of the library that was almost more familiar to him than any other place in the whole Institute. He knew exactly which bookshelves he had to pass to make his way to a broad windowsill hidden at the end of the library, coated by pillows and blankets.

Sehun felt a weird ache inside him as he walked towards the place. That windowsill had been the place he and Jongin had always come to when they needed some peace. It had always been the place where they knew they would find each other, if either of them had happened to lose the other person inside the massive Institute. It had always been _their place_ , and reminiscing all their shared memories there made Sehun feel strange sadness.

He had expected to be alone in the dark library but as he reached the windowsill he realized he had been wrong. A familiar shadow sat there, lit faintly by the moonlight. Jongin. 

_It had always been the place where they knew they would find each other._

Sehun felt a shiver go through his spine as his eyes met Jongin's in the dim moonlit corner of the library. For a second he felt like they were just two kids again, meeting each other in their secret meeting place that no one else knew about. The memory filled Sehun with a sense of solace that vanished as fast as it had come when Jongin turned to look away from him.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here", Sehun said quietly. The silence of the empty library felt almost violent.

Jongin looked back at him and moved his legs to make room for Sehun to sit on the windowsill next to him. Sehun sat there carefully and crossed his legs in front of him. He and Jongin were now facing each other. Sehun couldn't help but notice the way the moonlight made Jongin's eyes glow. It made him look younger, and reminded him of when they had been just two boys sitting on a windowsill, away from the rest of the world. 

"I can't say the same," Jongin said. "I was hoping you would be here. This is our place after all. And besides, I wasn't expecting you to be asleep. You've had a rough day. And you always struggle to fall asleep after a rough day."

Sehun shivered. Jongin knew him better than anyone else.

"Yeah, you're right", Sehun nodded. 

They sat in silence for a minute or two. Sehun suspected Jongin was expecting him to say something more, but he remained silent, deciding not to break it. 

"I'm guessing you still don't have an answer to me yet", Jongin finally said. 

Sehun sighed. He immediately knew that the answer Jongin meant was an answer to his question to become his parabatai. And Jongin was right, there was no answer he could give him yet. Jongin stared down at his hands, looking slightly disappointed.

"Can you explain to me what's stopping you?" Jongin asked. "Because I can assure you, it's not our age that's stopping us from becoming parabatai. I knew many Shadowhunters in Europe who found themselves a parabatai in their late twenties, thirties, even."

Jongin was right, it was not their age that was stopping Sehun from saying yes. It was the fact that Sehun suspected he had romantic feelings towards the other man.

"I know", Sehun said.

"Then what is it?" Jongin asked. He lifted his head, trying to meet Sehun's eyes, but Sehun was looking outside the window, seeing in the window only the reflections of the two of them sitting there. 

"I'm not sure you would like me if I told you", Sehun said, meeting Jongin's eyes through their reflection in the window.

To Sehun's surprise Jongin chuckled softly and took Sehun's hands in his. 

"I will always like you. You're my best friend, and nothing can change that." Jongin finally managed to meet Sehun's eyes. "And I'm never going to stop asking, unless you give me an actual reason why we couldn't be parabatai. I need a reason, Sehun."

Sehun could feel numbness and anger in his bones. There was no way he could tell Jongin he had feelings for him, but if it was what it took to make him stop asking and move on, it left Sehun little choice.

Sehun remembered Jongin's words from earlier that day. _You don't use words to signal that you care about someone. It's in your actions._ Sehun felt like he couldn't breathe. He was shivering with nervousness when he slowly placed his hand behind Jongin's neck, and leaned to kiss him. It was a soft kiss, but Sehun could feel Jongin's entire body go tense at his touch. Sehun could sense that Jongin was taken aback by the situation, so he leaned back as fast as he had leaned forward just a second ago.

Sehun couldn't bring himself to look Jongin in the eyes which kept him from seeing the reaction on his face. But he suspected he was still stunned by Sehun's sudden act.

"You said I don't use my words, but my actions", Sehun said quietly, still looking down. "There you go."

Sehun got up without facing Jongin and walked out of the library. He still felt shocked by what he himself had just done, but mostly nervous at what this would mean for the future of their relationship. Did Jongin hate him now that he knew his true feelings for him?

Sehun shoved his way out of the library door and started running without even noticing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, let me know in the comments what you think of the chapter and of the whole fic so far! i'd love to hear feedback <3


	7. What if I'm the bad guy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon tells Sehun his regained memories, which leads to an improvised mission to search for more memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i'm so sorry this update took SO LONG, i've been horribly busy with online studies ;__; but this chapter is definitely my own favorite so far, and i hope you'll like it! we get a new character as well!

_"Sehun, come look!" Jongin yelled, dragging Sehun after him through the library and towards a familiar windowsill. Sehun almost gasped in surprise when he saw the dozens of pillows and blankets and books that someone had covered the windowsill with. "I stole some pillows from all the guest rooms of the Institute to make it more comfortable", Jongin announced proudly and jumped on top of a pile of pillows. "We can build a fortress if you want!"_

_The sunlight coming in through the windows made Jongin's skin glow as if it was honey. He looked so young, not more than 7 or 8 years old._

_"Sehun, I promise, we can make the Institute feel like home!"_

Sehun woke up feeling like he had just run a marathon. He had never felt so badly rested after a sleep, realizing his dreams hadn't really been dreams, more like reruns of his most treasured childhood memories, and they made his heart ache.

He and Jongin had both been kids when they had been transferred to the Seoul Institute after both of their parents had been killed in a mission that had gone horribly wrong. Many kids had been orphaned that day, and they had all been moved to different Institutes to be taken care of. Sehun had met Jongin when they had been moved to the same Institute on the same day. Sehun had been terribly homesick and heartbroken about his parents' death, but Jongin had done everything he could to make the Institute feel more like home for them.

Sehun wanted to go back to sleep but the room was too bright for him to fall asleep anymore.

Going to get breakfast was not an option. In the morning the dining hall was the place where he was most likely to run into Jongin. And despite mostly avoiding Jongin for the past few days Sehun now had more motive than ever to stay away from his best friend.

He couldn't help but feel scared that what he had done the night before - kissed Jongin in their childhood hideout in the library - could possibly jeopardize his and Jongin's friendship. They had known each other for almost their whole lives and been best friends for what felt like forever. Sehun felt a shiver go through his body at the thought of losing his best friend.

Since going to get breakfast was not on the table Sehun didn't know where to go. He didn't really feel like seeing or talking to anyone right now, feeling embarrassed and confused about what he had done. Except…

_Junmyeon._

It didn't really even surprise Sehun that the only person he felt like seeing was Junmyeon. He rushed to change his clothes to go see if Junmyeon had already woken up in the infirmary where he had left him to get some rest the day before. Sehun was not sure how much rest someone needed after passing out from suddenly returning memories but he was eager to hear what Junmyeon remembered and also to check up on him. It had broken his heart to see Junmyeon get hurt and he had vowed himself not to let it happen again. 

Sehun practically jogged through the halls of the Institute - partially because he wanted to get to Junmyeon as fast as possible but also because he was scared of running into Jongin on his way to the infirmary. 

To his surprise he found nothing but an empty bed in the infimary room where Junmyeon had been. His initial reaction was panic. He knew he could never forgive himself if something had happened to the other man while he had been busy worrying about his own problems. _I swore to protect him._

"He was feeling completely normal so he was able to leave", Sehun heard a voice behind him. It was the same medic he had spoken to earlier. "I'd check his bedroom, maybe he went there."

Sehun felt relief hit through him like a wave. Junmyeon was okay and he had been able to get up already. He took off running back toward the bedrooms without a second thought.

He knocked on Junmyeon's door and got in after hearing a faint "Come in". Junmyeon was sprawled on his bed with no covers on, leaning on his elbows. He shot Sehun a warm smile the second he saw him and Sehun felt like he was going to melt.

"You're okay", Sehun said. Seeing Junmyeon conscious and healthy filled him with so much happiness and relief, and he didn't bother to hide it. He found himself hoping that the other man would know just how much it meant to him that he was alive and well.

"I'm okay", Junmyeon smiled and sat up. "Feeling like a new man."

Sehun closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of the bed next to Junmyeon. "I'm glad", he said silently, looking at his hands. 

"I'm guessing you want to know what I remember", Junmyeon said, tilting his head to look Sehun in the eyes. "It's just bits and pieces but I think it might lead us somewhere."

They sat in silence for a moment, sitting next to each other but far apart enough for their shoulders not to touch.

"I know that these memories are something I should tell to the whole group", Junmyeon said slightly hesitantly, "but would it be okay if for now I only told you?" He made eye contact with Sehun again. "These memories are something almost sensitive to me, especially right now. As much as I trust your friends, I don't know if I can tell these things to them without breaking down. You're the one I trust the most."

Sehun felt a shiver go through his body. _You're the one I trust the most._ All he could do was hope he was worth all that trust, hope he could help make sense of all this. Hope he could be there for Junmyeon through this.

"Of course", Sehun said and took Junmyeon's hand in his, just a small gesture of reassurance. "You can trust me. And we'll get help from the others if we need but you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to. You don't even have to tell me anything you don't want to."

Junmyeon smiled at him again, signaling that he was okay with telling Sehun his memories.

"When I threw that knife in the training room, my head started spinning. The specific motion of throwing a knife returned some of my memories, most of them having to do with knifes, actually", Junmyeon started. "I have this image in my head of me throwing knives to the hearts of demons around me. But I don't think they're all demons, some of them resemble wolves, while some look almost human but with what I think are pointy ears. I don't remember why, but I'm throwing a knife toward one of them when a wolf jumps in front of me, the knife hitting the wolf's chest instead, killing him." Junmyeon shivered. Sehun could see how clearly uncomfortable the memory was making him, and he put his arm around him gently, closing the small distance between them.

"You were throwing a knife at a seelie but a werewolf jumped to take the hit instead?" Sehun questioned. "That sounds odd, honestly. Why would a werewolf ever protect the Fair Folk?"

"I don't know. I have no idea what any of this is, and quite honestly, it's making me panic. I'm losing my mind here. Why did I do something like that?" Junmyeon panted. Sehun could feel the other man breathing heavily against his body, and he held on tighter. 

"You're a Shadowhunter, whether you remember it or not. We kill feral Downworlders to protect the human kind", Sehun tried to explain.

"That's not the only thing I remember. I can also see an image of me holding a dead woman in my arms. She has a knife in her chest and she's bleeding", Junmyeon explained. "The memory fills me with nothing but sadness. I think she's someone I lost, but I can't remember anything else about her. Just her dying in my arms while I hold her." 

"Can you describe the way she looks?" Sehun asked gently, making sure he wasn't being too eager and demanding, but supporting and gentle.

"She must be a Shadowhunter, she has these rune things on her body too. She has dark hair and she seems a bit older than me, I think", Junmyeon explained. "I can't remember anything that's happening in the background, it's like this memory contains nothing but me holding her, like the rest of the world is just shut out completely."

Sehun felt cold. Shadowhunters often lost their loved ones in battle, and there was no wonder why this memory stood out to Junmyeon. It must have been a traumatic thing for him. Maybe losing the memory of traumatic events wasn't always such a bad thing, he thought, but gaining those memories back must be a painful experience.

"But it's not the only memory she appears in", Junmyeon continued. "I also have a faint image of me in a training room, not unlike the one at this Institute. I'm throwing knives and that same woman is cheering for me. I think she says 'Good job, Myeonnie' and smiles at me. This must have happened before the other memory, as she's still alive here." There was such inexplicable sadness in his voice that probably came from him talking about a dead loved one who he didn't even remember. There wasn't a way for him to mourn the woman properly because he didn't remember her, Sehun thought.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Whoever she was, she must have been important to you", Sehun said. He found himself feeling slightly jealous, but not able to quite pinpoint why he was feeling that way.

"I can remember other bits of me in battle, too", Junmyeon continued, ignoring Sehun's condolences. "I'm fighting demons, some of which I recognize from the nightmares I kept having. But it's not just demons, there's so many wolves and these seelie people, I think, in these memories as well. And… I'm killing them." Junmyeon broke down, and Sehun could see that he was crying now.

Sehun hugged him closer, winding both of his arms around him. 

"What if I'm the bad guy here? What if I did something bad to these Downworlders and now they're taking revenge. Maybe I deserved to lose my memory if it was the only way to stop me from killing innocent Downworlders. Maybe you made a mistake when you took me in. I'm not so sure you should trust me", Junmyeon said silently, not quite meeting Sehun's eyes.

Sehun could feel something breaking inside him. How could this man in front of him, the man Sehun had sworn to protect, think of himself as a threat? 

He leaned back, enough to see Junmyeon's face properly. "I don't regret taking you in, not for a second. Please, believe me when I tell you, I trust you", he said, trying not to sound too desperate but probably failing. "You didn't deserve any of this. No one does."

Junmyeon sniffled quietly, and rubbed his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater. Sehun still had a firm hold of his shoulders. He was trying to meet Junmyeon's eyes but he was only looking down.

"I'm not sure if I can do this", Junmyeon said quietly. "I appreciate everything you and the others have done for me, giving me a place to stay and trying your best to investigate my case. But what if I'm leading you all straight into trouble. I would never forgive myself if any of you got hurt because of me."

"We're Shadowhunters", Sehun declared. "You could lead me straight into trouble and I would follow you."

Junmyeon lifted his head and met Sehun's eyes. There was wonder in his eyes, as if he had been surprised by what Sehun had said. 

"You remind me of someone", Junmyeon said suddenly. "I'm not quite sure who. But there's something familiar about you. It's the way you care so deeply."

Sehun smiled at him shyly. 

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused", Junmyeon apologized. "If you still want to keep investigating my case, I guess there's no way I can stop you. You're so stubborn, but I like that about you."

Sehun let out a small laugh. "Thanks, I guess. And you're right, I'm not letting you go. We're going to figure this out, I promise."

"Somehow I truly believe it when you say that", Junmyeon smiled. His eyes were slightly red and his cheeks were tear-stained but Sehun still thought he looked beautiful.

Sehun got up to quickly fetch a box of tissues from the nightstand and give it to Junmyeon. 

"I have an idea but I'm not sure you're going to like it", Sehun said as he watched Junmyeon dry his tears. "If throwing knives awoke some memories you had related to knives, we should use that same strategy to hopefully bring back more of your memories."

Junmyeon tilted his head at him. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Do you happen to remember anything that could tell us about the places in your memories?" Sehun asked. "Like the places where you fought the werewolves and seelies? If you could just describe the places, one of us might recognize them. And that would be a pretty clear clue for us. We could try visiting the places and see if you remember anything."

"Some of it is so blurry that I can't tell where I am", Junmyeon said, still sniffling a little. "But one of the places, one where I apparently fought these werewolves, appears to be near some water, and there's a bridge too, I think. I also vaguely remember a place that looks like a bar or a restaurant there. There are tables outside the bar, and a crooked sign that looks like a wolf's head."

"Hold on… that sounds very familiar", Sehun said. He stood up fast and started pacing around the room, trying to think. 

The expression on Junmyeon's face was hopeful, even through the tears still falling on his cheeks. 

"I think I've heard of a werewolf shelter like that. It's just outside the city, if I'm not wrong. But it must be an actual place that exists, I must have gone there during patrol sometime", Sehun said.

"That's good, then, isn't it?" Junmyeon said. "Do you think we should go there to see if it wakes any memories?"

Sehun paused. It had been his own idea to visit a place to bring back new memories but he was feeling doubtful about it now. Bringing Junmyeon to a werewolf hideout, most likely full of werewolves, where he had possibly fought against them and possibly even killed some, seemed like a very dangerous idea. And Sehun realized that the last thing he wanted to do was to put Junmyeon in any kind of danger. 

"I guess we should go, it could possibly lead us somewhere", Sehun hesitated. "But we should go there during the day, just in case. It would be way too dangerous to go at night."

"So, how about right now?" Junmyeon suggested. "Look, I just really need some answers. I'm going crazy having no idea what horrible things I've done in the past, and why I've done them. I need answers. And it's still early, we'd have time."

A part of Sehun had a bad feeling about this idea, but most of him was just eager to help Junmyeon and find new leads for their investigation. "Fine", he said finally. "But we should go there alone, just the two of us. If we bring a bunch of Shadowhunters there it will look suspicious and any werewolves possibly living there might think we're hostile, or on a mission to clear the place, or something." 

Junmyeon seemed glad and relieved about it. "Just tell me how to prepare for this."

\-----

Sehun and Junmyeon geared up as subtly as they could without alerting any other Shadowhunters. Sehun figured it was best if no one knew about their little mission because he wasn't sure others would approve it. His plan was to keep a low profile and not attract too much attention, not from other Shadowhunters or the possible werewolf dwellers at the place they were going to.

When they met each other at the front of the Institute, as they had agreed, it was the first time Sehun saw Junmyeon in full Shadowhunter gear. The first thing he realized was that Junmyeon looked just like a Shadowhunter. The gear seemed to fit him just right, as if he had been wearing it throughout his whole life, and he probably actually had, but Sehun had just not seen him as a Shadowhunter before. But he did now. The black gear and the weapon belt made Junmyeon look all cool and ready for a battle, and Sehun felt like he was blushing, but he figured it was just his pre-mission nerves. 

"I brought you knives, just in case", Sehun said as he walked down the Institute steps to face Junmyeon. Junmyeon took the knives without any doubt, and placed them on his belt. "I'm not planning on either of us needing to use any weapons, but we're Shadowhunters and we never go anywhere unprepared." For himself Sehun had brought two seraph blades and his bow and quiver. As he strapped the quiver on he felt a few raindrops drop on his shoulders. It was apparently slowly starting to rain.

Only then did he realize he had said ' _we're Shadowhunters_ '. Junmyeon's appearance made him think of the other man more as his fellow Shadowhunter than he ever had before. They were now two Shadowhunters going on a secret mission together, and Sehun felt oddly excited about it.

"I feel surprisingly ready", Junmyeon said with a little smile that made Sehun feel calmer. Maybe he had been worrying for nothing. They were, after all, two Shadowhunters going on a mission that was supposed to be totally inconspicuous. They would be fine, Sehun thought.

They took the car since portals weren't really an option for a mission that was supposed to be secret and unnoticeable. The Institute had a car, after all, and in Sehun's opinion it was meant for situations just like this. Sehun took the driver's seat and waited for Junmyeon to get in to the passenger seat next to him. 

"For some reason, I didn't expect for Shadowhunters to know how to drive", Junmyeon said when Sehun hit the road and steered the car out of the Institute yard. "Is it mandatory for you all to take driving lessons at some point?"

"No, actually it's not", Sehun chuckled. "I've never had any driving lessons. I trust my fast Shadowhunter reflexes to keep me from crashing."

"What?" Junmyeon sounded a little shocked. "You're telling me you have no training in driving this car whatsoever? And you're only telling me _after_ I got in this car with you?"

Sehun laughed softly, steering the car with only one hand. "Don't worry. I do have a lot of training from sneaking out to drive in the rain since I was like fifteen."

Junmyeon didn't seem comforted by that knowledge.

Sehun had always found driving very calming. He loved driving almost as much as he loved rainy weather, and those two combined were his favorite thing in the world. 

Junmyeon chuckled and shook his head. "You guys are very irresponsible." 

The werewolf shelter was outside the city and due to traffic the car ride took them pretty long. Neither of them seemed to mind it, though. Sehun told Junmyeon about his love for driving in the rain and listening to the sound of rain and traffic. Junmyeon shot him a few questions about the Shadow World and werewolves. Neither of them seemed that nervous, and their talk visibly calmed both of them. Sehun found himself almost forgetting they were heading for a mission that could possibly be dangerous, he was too focused on their discussion and the calming sound of rain. He also seemed to be forgetting his other worries as well as he hadn't thought of Jongin for a second after they had left. There was something about Junmyeon's presence that made him feel comfortable.

"We should be close", Sehun announced. They had left the worst traffic behind them already, having just exited the city. The weather seemed to be turning even gloomier, and the rain was now coming down heavier than earlier. 

They got out of the car a block away from where Sehun thought the werewolf bar was located to avoid attracting too much attention. They walked in complete silence, letting the rain fall on them and flow down their waterproof gear jackets. The streets were completely empty save for a stray cat running fast across the street, searching for shelter.

"I knew it was here", Sehun whispered and pointed towards an empty-looking bar with a werewolf-head sign in front of it. "This place look familiar to you?"

Junmyeon had gone still next to him which startled Sehun. He turned to face the other man to see that Junmyeon's face had gone white and he was shivering slightly. His face was wet from the rain but for a moment Sehun thought he could see a tear falling from his eye. 

"I-", Junmyeon started, clearly struggling to speak. "I remember this place."

Junmyeon looked like he was about to faint, so Sehun put a hand on his back in an attempt to steady him. "It's okay. We can leave right now if you can't be here", Sehun said. He tried to keep his voice calm but he was certain he was failing at it. 

Just as Sehun was about to help Junmyeon turn around and walk the both of them back to the car he heard a thump behind them, and then multiple thumps from all around them. He looked around, shaking rainwater from his eyes, and saw that they were suddenly surrounded by ominous-looking people who were walking towards them, making sure they had no escape. _Werewolves_ , Sehun realized soon, and closed his eyes in frustration for just a second. He should have known better than to come here with Junmyeon, and with zero backup. No one at the Institute even knew where they were.

"Well, well, look who has the nerve to show his face around here", a male werewolf spoke in a low and threatening voice. He had walked right in front of them and was looking Junmyeon in the eyes. 

"You'd better back off right now", Sehun said, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could. "We mean no harm but our backup Shadowhunters are not afraid to attack if you try to hurt us." Sehun did all he could to keep his bluff as believable as possible. 

The werewolf in front of them laughed, clearly not buying Sehun's story. "Shadowhunters, always so naive thinking we can be deceived like that. We searched the perimeter and, to your disappointment, there's no one there to save you now", he spoke mockingly.

The werewolves seemed to be approaching them faster now. Sehun and Junmyeon were pressed against each other which allowed Sehun to feel the way Junmyeon was breathing heavily. Sehun cursed silently under his breath, hating himself for endangering Junmyeon so recklessly like this.

"That's enough!" someone yelled from afar. The werewolves stopped dead in their tracks. Some of them turned around to face the voice that appeared to belong to another werewolf who was walking towards the pack from the bar. _He's their alpha_ , Sehun thought, _and they have no choice but to obey him_.

"What is it?" the pack alpha spoke in a firm and demanding voice. The wolves backed away from Sehun and Junmyeon to reveal them to their leader. 

The alpha was a surprisingly short man with short black hair. He was standing in a straight posture in front of them and he seemed to be scanning the two of them from head to toe. 

"I thought he was killed! How can he be here?" a werewolf woman yelled to the alpha. 

"No", the alpha said in a calm voice, "he wasn't killed. Something worse, actually. We made sure to torture him and take the last of his precious memories away from him, as death would have been too kind a punishment for a murderer like him." The alpha had walked right in front of Junmyeon and was staring into his eyes with determination. "But it seems he has received help from Shadowhunters, and the memory spells are wearing off", he finished and shot a glance at Sehun. He said the word _Shadowhunters_ as if it was a curse.

"Who are you and what did you do to him?" Sehun hissed. It took everything in him not to punch the alpha in his face, but he knew they were way too outnumbered for it to be wise to start a fight.

The alpha let out a laugh that lacked humor. "You should ask that from your friend", he said and nodded his head toward Junmyeon. "He must remember us, having come all the way down here to pay us a visit, after having murdered multiple of our pack." 

"I-", Junmyeon started. He sounded breathless and scared, and it made something break inside Sehun. "I barely even remember who you are. Or what I did." There was a pause as Junmyeon tried to catch his breath. "Or why I did it."

"Well, let me spark your memory", the alpha said. "My name is Do Kyungsoo, and I am the leader of this werewolf pack, half of which you killed in cold blood!" His voice rised to a yell towards the end of the sentence.

Sehun recognized the name Do Kyungsoo. He was the leader of the pack just outside the city, the pack that was technically not part of their precinct, which was why the Seoul Institute did no cooperation with them. Sehun had never met the pack leader before but he had heard that their pack had been causing some trouble in the past. 

"And", Kyungsoo continued, "in case you don't remember who _you_ are." He paused to take one more step toward Junmyeon. "You went by the name The Guardian, and led your abominable, rebellious little group of Shadowhunters that killed innocent Downworlders in the name of what you called 'revenge'." 

_The Guardian_? The name said nothing to Sehun but judging by the shocked expression on Junmyeon's face, the name had sparked his memory. 

"I-", Junmyeon started. "I can't have done those things."

Kyungsoo just laughed, and soon his pack was laughing as well. "Wow, it must feel awful to suddenly remember that you used to be a murderer", he chuckled. "And you", Kyungsoo added and turned to face Sehun, "Did you seriously think this man was innocent? Oh, how we always go on and on about Shadowhunters being naive, but a Shadowhunter from the Seoul Institute taking in a disgusting, repulsive killer, and thinking he was-"

That was the moment Sehun lost it. He raised his fist and punched Kyungsoo in the face, resulting in a surprised gasp from him. Junmyeon acted as fast as Sehun by taking his knives from his belt and pointing them towards the werewolves around them. In literally any other situation Sehun would have felt proud and impressed by Junmyeon's fast reaction, but he had no idea what he was supposed to feel now. And quite frankly, he had no time to think about it just yet. 

Some of the werewolves started turning, and Sehun started to realize that punching their alpha might have not been the wisest thing to do. They were still badly outnumbered, and there was no universe in which the two of them could have defeated the number of angry, feral werewolves around them.

"Wow", Kyungsoo laughed and punched Sehun in the gut. Sehun faltered for a second but got his balance back soon enough to dodge Kyungsoo's second punch.

Sehun could see Junmyeon skillfully throwing a knife at a werewolf that tried to attack him. To his shock the werewolf, who was still in his man-form, ended up catching the knife in his hands and plunging at Junmyeon with the knife in his hands. Junmyeon had another knife out but he was being surrounded by multiple barking and hissing wolves. Sehun failed to dodge Kyungsoo's next punch when he screamed out seeing the werewolf driving his knife into Junmyeon's stomach. Sehun fell on the ground yelling. 

"Dumb Shadowhunters, so arrogant in thinking you two could defeat us alone", Kyungsoo laughed, pressing his boot to Sehun's chest to keep him on the ground.

"They're not alone", sounded a familiar voice from behind. Sehun felt his head spinning but he still recognized the voice. The one voice he would recognize anywhere.

Sehun could faintly see Jongin running towards the pack of werewolves with a glowing seraph blade in his hand. Behind him he could see Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and at least a dozen of other familiar Shadowhunters from the Institute. Sehun had no idea how they could have known where they had gone but he had no time to think about it. Kyungsoo lifted his boot from his chest when he was attacked by Jongin. The Shadowhunters were quickly able to outfight the werewolves, powered by the element of surprise. The wolves weren't prepared for any backup, and many of them surrendered fast. By the time Sehun got up he saw that Jongin held his seraph blade against Kyungsoo's throat. The alpha was kneeled on the asphalt and there was not a hint of his earlier smugness left on his face. 

"Did I hear that you were underestimating Shadowhunters here?" Jongin said proudly. Kyungsoo struggled against his hold but it was pointless. Jongin's hold was firm enough to hold an entire pack. 

The werewolves had surrendered, many of them trapped in a Shadowhunter's hold. Chanyeol ran to steady Sehun, looking at him worriedly. But Sehun had no time to answer Chanyeol's worrying questions, not when he saw Junmyeon bleeding on the ground. He dove on the ground next to him.

"Hey, stay with me", Sehun whispered to Junmyeon who was clearly hurting. Sehun could feel tears sparking in his own eyes but he did his best to fight them back. He took his stele from his belt and hastily rolled up the sleeve of Junmyeon's jacket. He carefully drew a healing rune to Junmyeon's skin. The rune disappeared way too soon, and Sehun drew another, and then another.

"Hey, stay with me. You're going to be okay. I got you", Sehun whispered, not completely sure whether he was reassuring Junmyeon or himself. The fifth _iratze_ he drew didn't disappear in a few seconds, and Sehun allowed himself to let out a relieved sigh. He held Junmyeon's head gently in his lap, brushing his wet and dirty hair out of his face. 

"Oh, how foolish you are, you Nephilim", Kyungsoo suddenly yelled from behind Sehun. There was slight amusement in his voice. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into. You have no idea how dangerous the man whose life you just saved is. I stand behind my words, you Shadowhunters are so naive, trusting someone you don't know like this. Trusting no other than The Guardian. We are supposed to be on the same side, enemies of this man and his group of rogue Shadowhunters."

He was silenced by Jongin who placed a gloved hand in front of Kyungsoo's mouth. 

_The Guardian_. The name echoed inside Sehun's head, and he realized he was himself getting quite dizzy. The world started slowly spinning.

"Sehun!" he could hear Chanyeol yell, just before everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it! please, let me know what you think in the comments <3


	8. The Guardian Angel no longer watches over me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Junmyeon's past finally gets revealed but it appears some truths only complicate things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being a pretty angsty chapter but i kinda love it!!! i hope you enjoy it as well!

Sehun's eyelids felt heavy which made opening his eyes almost an impossibility. He blinked his eyes open heavily and felt the light of the room burning his eyes. He had a terrible headache, he realized, as he struggled to get his eyes open to see where he was. 

The room was white and brightly illuminated with a yellowish light. He realized soon that he was laying on a white infirmary bed, dressed in a white gown and trousers that were not his. His limbs felt too heavy to move, and all he could manage was a dry groan escaping from his mouth. Someone seemed to move hastily at his noice in the corner of the room.

"You're awake", he heard Chanyeol's voice as the man approached him with a big grin on his face. Chanyeol helped Sehun sit up on his bed and gave him a cup of water. Sehun took small, careful sips and slowly felt life returning to his tired body. 

"What happened?" Sehun croaked. "Where's-". Sehun froze. _Junmyeon_. Memories of their mission came back to him with a rush. Sehun moved to try and get off the bed but Chanyeol stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"Sehun, he's alive and safe", Chanyeol said. But something in his voice didn't entirely convince Sehun. 

"Where is he? I need to talk to him! We need to talk to him! I-", Sehun started but Chanyeol gestured him to calm down.

"Sehun, we had no choice but to place Junmyeon in the Institute cells", Chanyeol explained. "He's safe there, I promise. And I'm so sorry, but it was the only thing I could do. We don't know who he is or whether he's a danger to us or not. If what the werewolf pack says is true, he might be a criminal."

"You're wrong!", Sehun barked. "I know Junmyeon, and he is not a criminal." Sehun felt like he couldn't breathe. 

"Sehun, how well do you actually know him? He hasn't been here at the Institute for that long, and no one truly knew much of his past until now", said Chanyeol. He was clearly trying his best to keep his voice as calm as possible.

Sehun felt like he could cry, but Chanyeol's presence prevented him from shedding any tears. His heart wanted him to scream and run to Junmyeon but his mind was second-guessing everything he knew about the guy. And it made him miserable.

"What about the werewolves? Kyungsoo and his pack? Where are they?" Sehun inquired.

"Also in the cells", Chanyeol answered. "But in different cells than Junmyeon, of course", he added when Sehun made a concerned noise. "They are to be questioned and then possibly handed over to the Clave for their crimes."

"And Junmyeon? Will you also be handing him over to the Clave for them to just lock him in the Silent City for the rest of his days?" Sehun asked with enough mockery in his voice to signal Chanyeol his opinion on the Clave's methods of justice.

"We don't know yet", Chanyeol said with his head tilted down. "We haven't reported anything to the Clave yet. We chose to wait for you to wake up and tell us what exactly went down at that werewolf hideout yesterday."

Sehun was surprised that as the head of the Institute Chanyeol had made the difficult decision to not report anything yet. But knowing Chanyeol and the righteous manner in which he ran the Seoul Institute, it was not that surprising after all. Chanyeol wasn't the kind of leader to make rash decisions.

"Wait, how long was I out?" Sehun asked, only now realizing he had no idea what day it even was.

"For almost 24 hours", Chanyeol answered. "It's 9 A.M."

"Wait, you have had Junmyeon locked up in the cells for an entire day?" Sehun yelled. "Haven't you questioned him yet? And what about his injuries? He was stabbed yesterday, tell me you have at least let him heal?"

"He's okay, I told you. He was examined here yesterday and he was completely healed, thanks to you and the _iratzes_ you drew for him", Chanyeol said with a mellow voice. "And we haven't questioned him yet because the thing is… he said he'd only want to talk to you, Sehun."

"Me?" Sehun felt surprised at first but he guessed it all made sense. He had been the closest one to Junmyeon this whole time and Junmyeon had not been hiding that.

"Sehun, I know you're not going to like what I'm about to say but we fear he might want to use your attachment to him as a way to get himself out of this situation", Chanyeol said. His voice wasn't as gentle anymore, but more careful and calculating. "If he is truly guilty of killing multiple Downworlders, it means he has broken the Accords and he needs to face the consequences. Sehun, I know you care for him, but it is our duty to protect Downworlders, as well as bring them to justice."

Such a leader thing to say, Sehun thought. He felt sheer anger now, his headache and dizzyness almost entirely forgotten. He stood up slowly and this time Chanyeol didn't resist. 

"I'll talk to him", Sehun said, trying to keep his voice calm, "but not because I want him imprisoned. I just want to know his past and find out the truth, and to prove you wrong. Unlike you, I'm not expecting the worst of him." 

Sehun glanced around him and saw his gear clothes on the floor. He picked them up and walked toward the door.

"I'll come and pick you up from your room in 15 minutes", Chanyeol said quietly, and Sehun nodded at him. Chanyeol looked clearly troubled but Sehun didn't let it bother him.

Sehun walked out of the infirmary and to his bedroom where he immediately threw the gear clothes on the floor and sat on his bed. He pressed his hands against his face, and allowed himself to let out the tears he had been holding the entire time. He sobbed quietly for a while, letting all his anger and frustration out. He realized he was not angry at Chanyeol, not really, but more at himself for everything that had gone down the day before. He was angry at himself for endangering Junmyeon, and he entirely blamed himself for getting him locked up. He was also angry for not being there for Junmyeon for almost an entire day. He realized he hadn't even asked Chanyeol what had happened to him to knock him out for an entire day. He had been too concerned about Junmyeon to worry about his own health. But he felt fine now, apart from the headache, the weariness and the anger and frustration that was almost eating him alive at this point.

Finally Sehun got up from the bed and went to get a change of clothes from his closet. He put on a pair of black jeans and a black training hoodie, and then reached for his gear clothes for his stele and the angel pendant he carried with him everywhere. He felt like he needed that extra bit of good luck with him now.

Except the pendant wasn't in the pocket of his gear jacket where he had put it. He searched all the other pockets but only found his stele. 

Sehun panicked instantly. The angel pendant, the white one with an engraved angel and the text "Guardian Angel watch over me" written on it, had been given to him by Jongin. It was something he held as a memory of his childhood and his best friend, and something he had carried with him through all his missions and never lost until now. He must have dropped it in the fight at the werewolf hideout. It was lost. His only piece of hope was gone. 

Sehun was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. Chanyeol had come to take him to the cells to talk with Junmyeon. Slowly Sehun got up and went to the door, terrified and hopeless to face Junmyeon without even the security of his angel pendant in is pocket.

\---

The cells were at the lower level of the Institute, and the coldness radiating from the iron walls made Sehun shiver. He was following Chanyeol past multiple security guards who stood completely still at the doors of each cell. The cells were most likely full right now, Sehun thought, with all the members of the pack, and Junmyeon, in them. It filled Sehun with distress, but he was relieved at the fact that Chanyeol was the only one accompanying him to the cells. He was not sure he could have been able to stand seeing the others, especially Jongin, right now.

Chanyeol finally stopped at a door and gestured for the guard to open it with a key he kept on a chain at his belt. The guard obeyed and opened the heavy door with enough force to visibly startle the man sitting on the bed inside the cell. 

Junmyeon raised his head to face Sehun and Chanyeol as they stepped in. It was somehow even colder inside the cell than it was in the hallway. Junmyeon looked worn out and his face was alarmingly pale. Sehun tried to suppress a shiver at the thought of Junmyeon having been locked in this miserable space for almost a day. And it was all Sehun's fault.

Neither of them said anything as Chanyeol took a small stool and placed it in front of Junmyeon's bed. He gestured for Sehun to sit, while he himself went to lean to the adjacent wall. Junmyeon stared at Chanyeol, but Chanyeol looked at him completely straight-faced, most likely as a way to signal him that he was not leaving the cell.

Sehun sat down and made level eye contact with Junmyeon. There was fear and desperation in the other man's eyes.

"Sehun, are you okay?" Junmyeon asked, looking genuinely worried. "I've been so worried about you and they refused to tell me if you had woken up." He glared at Chanyeol, but Chanyeol just stood there silently, ignoring Junmyeon's accusatory glare.

"You wanted me", Sehun said, ignoring Junmyeon's question. "Tell me what happened."

Sehun knew he didn't want Junmyeon to lie to him. One thing he didn't want was to be used. If Chanyeol was right, and Junmyeon agreed to talk to only him just to use his attachment as a way to get out, he didn't want anything to do with Junmyeon or his lies. He just wanted the truth, which was why he made sure not to show too much pity or compassion despite feeling all of it. He didn't want to believe Chanyeol but he had planted the seed of doubt into his mind. He realized his anger wasn't directed entirely at himself anymore, as he was now also slightly angry at Junmyeon. He just needed to hear the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

Junmyeon looked surprised at Sehun's harsh tone. "O-okay, I can tell you everything", he said, glancing between Sehun and Chanyeol. Sehun raised his eyebrow at him.

"I remember everything now", Junmyeon started, his tone insanely distressed. "That alpha you met, Do Kyungsoo, killed my older sister. My sister found Kyungsoo breaking the Law, turning innocent mundanes into werewolves, and Kyungsoo attacked her." There was such sadness in Junmyeon's voice that Sehun felt his heart breaking. "We had suspected what he was up to, we were supposed to bust him and bring him to the Clave but the mission went wrong and my sister…" Junmyeon broke off.

_The woman dying in his arms in that memory he told me, that was his sister._ Things were starting to make more sense.

"Why did Kyungsoo call you by the name Guardian? How did he know you?" Sehun asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible while on the inside he felt like he was falling apart.

"After seeing my sister torn apart by Kyungsoo", Junmyeon continued, bitterness distinct in his voice, "I contacted many of her friends, convinced them that we needed to bring Kyungsoo to justice. I gathered a small group of Shadowhunters willing to help me. I started planning revenge, and my group started calling me The Guardian, as I had accepted the position of the leader of sort. Our only problem was, Kyungsoo had already disappeared completely, not a trace of him left to follow. He must have known he was in trouble. He knew I had seen him killing those mundanes, and my sister, and all I needed to do was arrest him and bring him in front of the Clave. Except…" 

"What? The Clave wasn't in on this? You went rogue?" Chanyeol interrupted.

"Yes", Junmyeon admitted. "The Clave never believed my story. They said they had no clear evidence of Kyungsoo's crimes, and they forbid me from searching for him. They were scared I would just get more people hurt. I had no choice but to go rogue and try to investigate the case on my own, or not on my own, as I did have my group. We were all keen on revenging my sister's death, and making sure Kyungsoo didn't go unpunished."

"Clave has truly come a long way. I remember a time when they would have gladly punished any Downworlder, no matter whether they had evidence of any crimes or not", Chanyeol mumbled quietly. "And this also explains why the Clave didn't question your disappearance. You had already been disapproved by them, so they had no need to care about you."

"So, we kept on investigating in secret", Junmyeon went on, ignoring Chanyeol's comment, "asking help from other Downworlders. Finally a lead ended up taking us to Faerie."

"You went to the Faerie relm?" Chanyeol interrupted again. "Sorry, go on."

"Yes, we did. And there we found Kyungsoo, hiding in the Seelie Court. No wonder he had covered his tracks so well; he had gotten help from seelies", Junmyeon explained. "We tried to capture him but he got away. We lost him again, but only for a while. We soon got a tip about a sketchy little werewolf pack just outside the city, a pack not in allegiance to the Clave but in liaison with seelies. We raided their lair, the same one we went to yesterday, but we were ridiculously outnumbered. We faced dozens of werewolves and seelies, all led by Kyungsoo. And… I lost everyone." Junmyeon broke off suddenly and buried his face to his hands. He sniffled quietly, and when he lowered his hands Sehun could see the tears on his face. Sehun almost winced. "They killed every single Shadowhunter in my group. And Kyungsoo made sure I had to see it all, watch them all die." 

_The memory of that battle Junmyeon told me about. It all makes sense now._

Tears were flowing openly on Junmyeon's face and Sehun had to hold himself back from going to him, from taking him into his arms and assuring him he was there for him, and that everything would be okay. Sehun was surprised by his own reaction. He placed his hands to his lap and forced himself to stay still.

"They tortured me and used my nickname 'The Guardian' to mock me", Junmyeon continued. "I was kept in their basement for the Angel knows how long, probably weeks or even months. I knew they were planning something, and after a while I realized they had no intention to merely kill me. They used faerie magic on me, and I'm pretty sure they also got help from some warlocks willing to torture me. Piece by piece they tore away my memories, starting from my most treasured ones. I remember feeling so confused and dizzy, locked in a basement with only some of my memories intact. Finally they managed to rip me from all of my memories, leaving only the tiniest and most horrible pieces, the ones that I saw in those nightmares. I still don't know why but they placed me to that apartment and made sure I wouldn't regain my memories by that demonic magic the warlock Yixing found from the apartment when he was helping us find clues. That would explain why I started regaining my memories here at the Institute where that magic didn't work anymore."

"I find it odd that they just left you to live your life there", Chanyeol said. "Why not just keep torturing you at that basement if they hated you so much?"

"Like I said, I don't know", Junmyeon said. He sounded a bit scared, Sehun noted. "For all I know they were planning something more, something that would have required me to be alive. It was like they were trying to make me their puppet, perhaps use me against Shadowhunters. But I know nothing of their plans. Shouldn't you be interrogating Kyungsoo?"

"We have tried but he refuses to speak", Chanyeol answered, his tone harsher than before. "Now, why should we trust that a word you say is true? You could just as well be lying to us, leaving out something"

"Bring the Mortal Sword in and I'll repeat my story while holding it", Junmyeon announced. "I know my rights."

Sehun was startled by Junmyeon's tone. He realized that this was his first conversation with Junmyeon as two equal Shadowhunters. Sehun had gotten used to explaining Junmyeon all about the Shadow World, expecting him to be clueless about their systems and beliefs but there was nothing to explain anymore. Junmyeon knew - no, remembered - everything. He knew about the Mortal Instruments, knew all the right terms for all Downworlder groups. He knew his rights.

"We will do that, but only in case we find it absolutely necessary", Chanyeol said. "Sehun, you've been awfully quiet this whole time. Do you believe he's telling the truth?"

Sehun got up and faced Chanyeol. "Can you give us a minute alone?" he asked Chanyeol, trying to keep his voice quiet enough for Junmyeon not to hear him.

"Sehun, I don't know if that's wise", Chanyeol hesitated.

"Just trust me. I would never betray you or this Institute, I promise. I pretty much owe my life to you and this place. And I can manage myself. He's not going to hurt me", Sehun assured. 

Chanyeol shrugged. "Okay, but I'll be just outside the door and I am coming in in five minutes." He turned around and closed the door after him, leaving Sehun alone in the cell with Junmyeon.

"Sehun…" Junmyeon started but Sehun raised his hand to silence him. 

"I hate the way I care about you", Sehun blurted out. He walked to Junmyeon, who was standing up now, and pinned him to the wall of the cell. "I hate the way hearing about the pain you had to go through makes me feel."

"Sehun, I'm so sorry…" Junmyeon tried to say. He wasn't struggling against Sehun's hold in any way, just standing there against the wall.

"No", Sehun interrupted, almost yelling. Sehun felt anger and sadness bubbling through his veins. "There's absolutely nothing you need to apologize for. And I hate that. I wish I could just hate you. I wish I could just act as cold as Chanyeol toward you. But I can't. Because I care about you way more than I wish I did." 

There was complete silence between them for a while, neither of them finding the right words to say.

"And I believe you", Sehun said finally, keeping his voice quieter than before and easing his hold on Junmyeon a little. "My parents were killed on a mission when I was a kid. I was so mad about it, and I would have sought some kind of revenge had I not been a small child who understood none of it and had no power to change anything. I was transferred to this Institute and I was treated well here, but I never forgot my parents or that anger their deaths caused in me. That anger is the very thing that has got me through all these years. It's what drives me, but it's also what keeps me from getting attached to anything or anyone. Because I don't want to lose anyone anymore." Sehun stopped, realizing he had been rambling on. He had said too much, he thought.

"Sehun, I-" 

"I get your need for revenge", Sehun interrupted Junmyeon once again. "And that's why I believe you." Sehun took a deep breath. "I will get you out of here, I promise that. I will fix everything, partly because I blame myself for getting you locked up here. But mostly because I get you. And I care about you."

Junmyeon stared up at him completely silent and still. He was relatively shorter than Sehun and he had to lift his chin to meet Sehun's eyes. They stood there silently, Sehun still lightly pressing Junmyeon against the wall, but not firmly enough for him to keep Junmyeon still. Yet Junmyeon showed no sign of struggling or trying to escape.

The click of the door made Sehun release Junmyeon entirely and take a step back. Chanyeol entered the room shortly. None of them said a word, Sehun's eyes still locked on Junmyeon's. 

Chanyeol put his hand on Sehun's shoulder, trying to usher him out of the cell. Before leaving Sehun caught one more glance at Junmyeon, and nodded at him firmly, trying to signal the other man that he was going to save him. That he was going to take care of it all. 

\---

Sehun had retreated to his room without a single word to Chanyeol or anyone else for that matter. He was surprised Chanyeol had agreed to leave him alone but he suspected Chanyeol was willing to give him some time to rest. 

Sehun sat down on his bed to strategize. He needed to get back to the werewolf hideout to search for more clues about the pack's guilt, and possibly to find out more about the seelies involved. The only problem was that he had no chance of leaving the Institute undetected now. He had only now realized that the Institute car had a tracking rune to it, which was undoubtedly the exact way Chanyeol and the others had managed to find him and Junmyeon from the werewolf hideout yesterday. There was no way for Sehun to manage this alone, he needed an ally on his side, someone he could trust to save Junmyeon with him.

There was a firm knock on his door then and Sehun got up to open the door. Jongin stood on the other side of the door, looking empathically at Sehun and gesturing to come in. Sehun let him in and closed the door after him. 

"Sehun, I needed to come see how you were", Jongin said. He sat on Sehun's bed next to where Sehun had just sat. 

"I'm okay. I'm completely healed, I think. There were no major injuries and-"

"No, Sehun, I don't mean your injuries", Jongin corrected. "I mean, of course I want to know if you are healed as well, but I meant how you are doing. Emotionally."

Sehun sighed and sat next to Jongin. "I don't know."

"You know that you can be honest with me. I'm here for you, always, and I need you to be honest with me. Because whatever it is, I want to help you", Jongin said, gently taking hold of Sehun's hand.

Sehun felt a shiver going through his spine. "I need to help Junmyeon", Sehun blurted out. "I need to get him out of there. I owe that to him. I just wish I could make everyone believe that he is telling the truth."

"Chanyeol told me everything Junmyeon told you", Jongin said. "Sehun, I believe you. I believe him."

Sehun looked up, surprised, and met Jongin's eyes. His look was serious and assuring, leaving Sehun no choice but to believe him. They had known each other for so long that Sehun knew when he could trust Jongin.

"I want to help you", Jongin announced. "We'll get him out of there together. You're not in this alone, you never are."

Sehun saw something in Jongin's eyes that startled him. Jongin was always smiling and laughing around, telling jokes to amuse everyone. But a serious look like this was reserved for Sehun and Sehun only. 

Of course Jongin would understand, Sehun thought. Jongin had lost his parents in the same mission that Sehun had lost his. Jongin understood revenge just as well as him. Jongin understood Junmyeon. 

"Thank you", Sehun said quietly. Jongin smiled a smile that put the sun to shame and pulled Sehun in for a hug.

Sehun realized that they hadn't talked since that night in the library when Sehun had kissed Jongin, and he winced in Jongin's hold, pulling them apart. Something in Jongin's eyes told Sehun that he was thinking of the same thing. They had never had time to address Sehun's feelings for Jongin and everything that had happened had almost made Sehun forget.

"Sehun, it's okay", Jongin reassured, seeing the scared look on Sehun's face. "I've suspected for a while that you had some sort of feelings towards me."

Sehun felt so embarrassed. He buried his face to his hands to hide the fact that he was probably as red as a tomato.

"I love you, Sehun", Jongin said. "You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I love you more than anyone else. But not that way. Sehun, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay", Sehun mumbled, still keeping his head down and his hands on his face. "I knew you didn't feel that way, I just didn't know what to- I didn't know how-"

"It's okay", Jongin said and placed his hand on Sehun's shoulder. "I get it now, why you didn't want to be my _parabatai_. And it's okay."

"It's just that… Everything is just a lot right now", Sehun sighed, finally meeting Jongin's empathic eyes. "It's not that I don't want to be your _parabatai_. It's just… Ever since I lost my parents I've been terrified of letting people close, afraid I would lose them too. And they say there's nothing worse than losing your _parabatai_ , your other half. I was afraid that uniting us two with the _parabatai_ bond would make me even more afraid of losing you. Because I love you, too."

Jongin pulled Sehun in for another hug and they just sat there like that for a while. When they finally pulled apart Sehun could see tears in Jongin's eyes. 

"You're my best friend. You're like a brother to me. You're my everything. And I'm more terrified of losing you than you think", Jongin admitted. "That's the reason why I've been away for so long. I travelled around Europe to try to forget. To meet people who I wouldn't have to get attached to in any way. But all I really wanted was to come home to you. We're both orphans and we both carry the same pain around us, no matter where we go. And I need you in my life because no one else understands that pain as well as you do." Jongin paused for a moment to wipe tears from his eyes. "And that's also why I want to help Junmyeon with you. I agreed to stay behind at that werewolf hideout yesterday, to search for clues. Sadly, I found nothing too suspicious. They're great at covering their tracks. Except I did find this."

Jongin reached for his pocket and pulled out a tiny plastic bag filled with what looked like white shards of marble.

"Sehun, I found your angel pendant from the ground, the one I gave you. But it was shattered. I collected every piece I could but it's irredeemable. I'm so sorry."

Sehun took the small plastic bag and inspected the pieces. He recognized his pendant even if it was broken. He could faintly see the marble angel's head and it's closed eyes. Some letters of the text "Guardian Angel watch over me" from the back of the pendant were visible in the pieces.

"Thank you", Sehun whispered. "It's okay, don't apologize. It was none of your fault. Everything that went wrong on that mission yesterday is all my fault. I guess it's only fitting that I broke my most treasured item on that same mission."

"Sehun, blaming yourself isn't going to change anything. We have some more important work to do now, figuring how to get Junmyeon out of there. I know how much you care about him, so please, for him, leave your needless self-pity aside." 

Sehun chuckled. "You're right" 

"And besides", Jongin took the plastic bag from Sehun's hands and placed it on the bedside table. "You don't need this angel pendant to watch over you anymore. I'll be your Guardian Angel from now on. I've always watched over you anyway, it's my duty as your older brother. Besides, I don't think the Angel, or at least the Clave, really approves this little illegal rescue mission we're about to do."

Sehun smiled at Jongin. He realized that he had always seen Jongin as his older brother, as his Guardian Angel. The pendant had been only a substitute, one that he no longer needed. They were going to rescue Junmyeon together, and Sehun no longer felt so hopeless now that he had his brother, his Guardian angel, by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me what you liked in the comments!!! <3


End file.
